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THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923


 chunks of flommus 
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Authors

Emily Duchaine

Flommist Emily Duchaine lives in the Pacific Northwest. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and listen to the Talking Heads. She pretends to be a professional businesswoman most days.

Emily Duchaine
Thu 21 Jan 2021

trump didn’t pardon any of the people arrested for their acts of terrorism in dc so they’re fuckin’ hosed

Read­ing about all the gullible rubes who are com­plete­ly blind­sided that they didn’t get a par­don re­minds me of when I was

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Fri 15 Jan 2021

carry on?

“When Health and Hu­man Ser­vices Sec­re­tary Alex Azar an­nounced this week that the fed­er­al gov­ern­ment would be­gin re­leas­ing coro­n­avirus vac­cine dos­es that

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Wed 13 Jan 2021

sadly, turns out tasernuts wasn’t real – tho it was a *lot* of fun while it lasted

“Trump’s pres­i­den­cy has al­ways been about race and re­act­ing to a na­tion more di­verse than it has ever been. We’ve been reminded

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Fri 8 Jan 2021

the place includes everything inside of the place

Can the pres­i­dent re­al­ly par­don him­self? Are we such a stu­pid na­tion we ac­tu­al­ly have that set up? Please tell me that’s not

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Thu 7 Jan 2021

i don’t care about pretty buildings built by slaves

“The soul of the na­tion.” “Real Amer­i­cans.” “Fam­i­ly val­ues.” Has any­one checked on the “we need to have more open di­a­logue” crowd?

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Thu 31 Dec 2020

christmas was a week ago so you know what that means –

OMG y’all our NYE par­ty is LIT.  The guest list is very ex­clu­sive. So ex­clu­sive in fact that the only ones here are

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Wed 30 Dec 2020

turmoil’d

The oth­er night I was lay­ing in bed try­ing to go to sleep and I thought of some­thing that usu­al­ly ex­cites me

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Fri 25 Dec 2020

creeeeeaaammyyy white christmas

I had only the faintest mem­o­ry of this com­mer­cial un­til just now when my friend Jar­rett gave me a Christ­mas present. I’d

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Tue 22 Dec 2020

nightman to dayman

*phone rings* me: *scowls im­me­di­ate­ly, be­grudg­ing­ly an­swers* “Hel­lo?!” per­son call­ing:  “Hi, is this Emi­ly?” me: *even more an­noyed* “YesmayI­askwhoz­call­ing­plea.” per­son: “Oh his this

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Sun 20 Dec 2020

‘won’t someone think of j.k. rowling?!’

I think the best thing I’ve seen to­day  is a woman who went off on a small rant about how, while she hates TERFs,

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Wed 16 Dec 2020

xmas during covid

I know a lot of peo­ple are vary­ing de­grees of dis­ap­point­ed be­cause ei­ther there will be no cel­e­brat­ing in per­son or their

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Mon 14 Dec 2020

what a difference 4 years makes

2017 This was writ­ten by a teenag­er at Roo­sevelt High in Seat­tle whose teacher in­vit­ed Trump sup­port­er For­est Macha­la, then 22, to

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Thu 10 Dec 2020

mor ink

  O c’mon, re­al­ly – ??     —emi­ly duchaine Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Fri 4 Dec 2020

‘riot ember’

Late­ly one of my fa­vorite things to do on Face­book is leave wacky com­ments on ads.       —emi­ly duchaine Flom­mist Emily

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Thu 26 Nov 2020

mom, surgery, chuck

So my mom texts me and tells me to call her be­cause she had hand surgery yes­ter­day and can’t text. I take the

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Tue 17 Nov 2020

deep clean purity

I dun­no wtf was wrong with me but last night I was fa-REAK­ING out about my house be­ing “filthy.” My house is

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Sun 15 Nov 2020

reasons why my cat gets upset

·   I won’t let him jump up onto the kitchen is­land ·   I won’t let him claw the kitchen mat · I

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Thu 5 Nov 2020

9 out of 10

Check­ing in from my lit­tle green and blue cor­ner of the coun­try – WHERE I would like to cor­dial­ly in­vite any­one who thinks

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Sun 25 Oct 2020

spoiling kill bill 3

Maya Hawke plays Beat­rix Kiddo’s daugh­ter, B.B. (be­cause duh). Ver­ni­ta Green’s daugh­ter, Nikkia, is played by Zen­daya. Nikkia gets her re­venge and Beatrix

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Tue 20 Oct 2020

*excited kristen wiig ‘sue’ character biting pillow*

“Con­ser­v­a­tive ra­dio host and not­ed evil big­ot Rush Lim­baugh an­nounced on Mon­day that he isn’t long for this world. Lim­baugh told listeners

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Mon 19 Oct 2020

i used to be a death penalty supporter

In the­o­ry, I still am from a pure­ly ide­al­is­tic stand­point. It could only hap­pen in a hy­po­thet­i­cal, nonex­is­tent world where jus­tice truly

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Tue 13 Oct 2020

i’ve started talking to my brain

Okay let’s just RE­LAX FOR A FUCK­ING MINUTE there’s ab­solute­ly NO rea­son why we need to be get­ting anx­ious. You’re in your

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Sat 10 Oct 2020

let cauliflower be cauliflower

I love when we’re watch­ing The Chef Show and Roy Choi can bare­ly hide his dis­dain for any­thing subbed with cau­li­flower. And

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Tue 6 Oct 2020

four days is nothing in covid time

“Every­body was told to wear a mask. Why did the first fam­i­ly and the chief of staff be­lieve that the rules for

Mor 

Emily Duchaine
Wed 30 Sep 2020

four years and zero new tricks

Lis­ten y’all. I did not watch the de­bate but I got­ta say I am ab­solute­ly mys­ti­fied that any of you are still

Mor 

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