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THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923


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to-day’s yard tale

Over the win­ter I did a lot of re­search on how to im­prove the soil in our back yard, which is full of com­pact­ed clay. 

I de­cid­ed against cov­er crops be­cause that would re­quire a LOT of work and fu­ture main­te­nance and I didn’t want our back yard look­ing like a fal­low field.

I pur­chased a liq­uid hu­mus and a clay soil amender and that meant I need­ed a hose-end sprayer. So I did what I al­ways do when I shop on the in­ter­net: I googled best hose-end sprayer.

And I bought the best hose-end sprayer, too. It’s got all met­al part and lots of ra­tio tips, but it’s a pro­fes­sion­al sprayer. 

And I am not a professional.

Well, I even­tu­al­ly fig­ured out how to use it (the in­struc­tions were not that user friend­ly, but I guess if you’re a true pro­fes­sion­al you’d probably
1) not need the in­struc­tions and
2) if you did you’d un­der­stand them). 

But I didn’t orig­i­nal­ly see the chem­i­cal tube in the box that had to be at­tached – only this long lit­tle plas­tic thing with an in­dent on the end that was shaped like a hexagon. 

And the ra­tio sprayer tips were hexa­gon shaped too, so I thought it went on the end af­ter you screwed on one of the tips. It didn’t have an open­ing in the end so it didn’t make sense to me how it would draw up the prod­uct and add it to the wa­ter, but I fig­ured it must be some pro­fes­sion­al thing I didn’t understand.🤪🥴

That thing was just the lit­tle tool to make screw­ing on the sprayer ends eas­i­er, like a hex key. 

Of course I need­ed some sort of tube to go down in­side the bot­tle. It was loose in the box. I sprayed the yard for ten min­utes be­fore re­al­iz­ing noth­ing was go­ing on, and when I un­screwed the bot­tle, the hex key was just float­ing there on top of the solution.

I’m a dumbass.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2021 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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Der Tung
Posted
Sun 28 Mar 2021

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