house ownership

For MONNNNNTH­H­HHSSS:

me:
*sniff* What’s that smell … *sniff sniff* Ugh what’s that smell … *sniff sniff* I ONLY smell it in this EX­ACT spot in my house … *sniff* And only some­times… *sniff sniff*

It was a musty smell. Very faint.

*treats pot­ted plant, cleans the dish­wash­er, p‑traps, garbage dis­pos­al, and win­dow frame, in­spects out­side of house, in­side of house, floors, air vent, has Aaron look un­der house, con­sid­ers in­door en­vi­ron­men­tal as­sess­ment, con­sid­ers burn­ing house down, con­sid­ers walk­ing into the sea …*

me this af­ter­noon:
*stand­ing there still smelling this phan­tom smell* Ugh, what is it?!

*looks at din­ing-room ta­ble*

Maybe … ? But why would the ta­ble smell?

*sniff*

.  .  .

GUYS IT’S YOUR OLD PAL EMI­LY BAD NEWS I’M A FUCK­ING MO­RON SOME­THING WAS FUNKY ON THE SUR­FACE OF OUR TA­BLE WE DON’T EAT AT IT VERY OF­TEN AND IT JUST NEED­ED TO BE CLEANED OFF IT WAS RIGHT FUCK­ING THERE WHERE I KEPT SMELLING THE SMELL GOSH COULD IT BE THE TAAAAAABLLLE HU­U­U­UR­RRRRRR DU­U­U­U­U­U­UR­RRR
 

I am bad at own­ing a house.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Also, this is a fan­tas­tic read.
 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2019 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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