so it was wednesday morning …

You know when you’re at the bar and your friend gets *WAST­ED* and you have to get them home safe­ly, but first you have to:

·  deal with the ass­hole bar­tender that over-served them
·  set­tle their ex­pen­sive ass bar tab
·  mag­i­cal­ly get them to leave the bar with you
·  wres­tle their car keys from them
·  some­how get them phys­i­cal­ly into your car
·  pull over and yell at them so they stop grab­bing the steer­ing wheel
·  pull over again so they can puke
·  chase them down the street af­ter they puke and get them back in the car
·  lis­ten to them rant and say dumb shit
·  fight with them over the vol­ume of the stereo
·  they some­how break your sun vi­sor?
·  “OMFG STOP HANG­ING OUT THE WIN­DOW BE­FORE YOU GET HURT!”

Then you fi­nal­ly get to their house and you’re like

“I love you but se­ri­ous­ly GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR”

and you just leave them passed out on the grass be­cause you tried to get them phys­i­cal­ly in­side but they weren’t hav­ing it and you just fuck­ing can’t any­more at this point be­cause it has been a long night of non­sense, so FINE en­joy sleep­ing on the grass, at least you’re kind of safer?

I don’t fuck­ing know, I fuck­ing tried okay. I tried.

Then the next day you wake up and you’re ex­haust­ed and pissed and su­per over it and your vi­sor is bro­ken and you’re just left re­con­sid­er­ing your en­tire life.

Trump was the al­co­hol.

The bar­tender was his sup­port­ers.

The car ride was the PO­TUS de­bate.

Your friend is Amer­i­ca.

 

—na­tal­ie michelle

Flom­mist Na­tal­ie Michelle does­n’t have a bio. She just rants. Copy­right © 2020 Na­tal­ie Michelle.

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