hallowe’en thing

dad:
Al­right, the gro­cery store was a night­mare but I got out with the can­dy!

me:
Cool what toys did you get?

dad:
HOLY SHIT I FOR­GOT THE TOYS AND TRICK OR TREAT­ING STARTS IN LIKE 15 MIN­UTES!!!!

me:
OMG! What do we do for the kids who can’t have can­dy!?!?!!!?!

dad:
I don’t know, what do we have?
(We start run­ning around the house like id­iots “—gra­nola bars? —that might work?” “I have a pack of gum—gum is can­dy!” “Apples?—Can we give out ap­ples?” “DAMMIT WHY DON’T WE HAVE A COL­LEC­TION OF SMALL TOYS JUST LY­ING AROUND?!!!!” “small wrench set?—I mean, old­er kids?” “WHAT DO WE DOOO????”)

me:
I’ve got it! I’ve got a plan  .  .  .  .

dad:
What! What did you find???

me:
Mon­ey. We’re go­ing to give them cash mon­ey. (Holds up change jar)

dad:
Bril­liant. Every­one can have mon­ey.

me:
(leaves blue post-it on door “if you can’t have can­dy, let us know we have oth­er treat$”)

BOOM. Now all the kids get some­thing good.

Hol­i­days at our house­hold are in­clu­sive and baller. Bring on your kid­dos!

(We high five epi­cal­ly)

 

 

 

 

(15 min­utes lat­er, no kids)

 

 

 

(30 min­utes lat­er, no kids)

 

 

 

(1 hour lat­er, no kids)

 

dad:
COVID?

me:
Yah.

 

—na­tal­ie michelle

Flom­mist Na­tal­ie Michelle does­n’t have a bio. She just rants. Copy­right © 2020 Na­tal­ie Michelle. Foto: Christi­na Wright, Na­tal­ie and Sil­ly String, 2017.

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