dad:
Alright, the grocery store was a nightmare but I got out with the candy!
me:
Cool what toys did you get?
dad:
HOLY SHIT I FORGOT THE TOYS AND TRICK OR TREATING STARTS IN LIKE 15 MINUTES!!!!
me:
OMG! What do we do for the kids who can’t have candy!?!?!!!?!
dad:
I don’t know, what do we have?
(We start running around the house like idiots “—granola bars? —that might work?” “I have a pack of gum—gum is candy!” “Apples?—Can we give out apples?” “DAMMIT WHY DON’T WE HAVE A COLLECTION OF SMALL TOYS JUST LYING AROUND?!!!!” “small wrench set?—I mean, older kids?” “WHAT DO WE DOOO????”)
me:
I’ve got it! I’ve got a plan . . . .
dad:
What! What did you find???
me:
Money. We’re going to give them cash money. (Holds up change jar)
dad:
Brilliant. Everyone can have money.
me:
(leaves blue post-it on door “if you can’t have candy, let us know we have other treat$”)
BOOM. Now all the kids get something good.
Holidays at our household are inclusive and baller. Bring on your kiddos!
(We high five epically)
(15 minutes later, no kids)
(30 minutes later, no kids)
(1 hour later, no kids)
dad:
COVID?
me:
Yah.
—natalie michelle
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2020 Natalie Michelle. Foto: Christina Wright, Natalie and Silly String, 2017.
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