this conversation just happened:

me:
I’m the type of per­son who lays awake at 3am wor­ry­ing about that one thing I said sev­en years ago.

friend:
I’m still up­set on a dai­ly ba­sis be­cause of a so­cial mis­step that oc­curred dur­ing trick or treat­ing when I was sev­en years old.

me:
I one time pre­tend­ed to know what in­cest was when I was too young to know what in­cest was and the jerk mean kid called me on it and made fun of me for it and I still think about that.

friend:
Lol. That’s awesome.

me:
My twelve year old self is stuck in that mo­ment in time re­main­ing for­ev­er uncool.

friend:
Just think. If you had a time ma­chine. Don’t waste time with Hitler. Go back and de­fine in­cest for your­self. You will be­come the cool Emily.

me:
I come back and ⁹⁄₁₁ comes and goes and I’m like “wait the tow­ers are still stand­ing” and some­one says, “uh, yeah, why wouldn’t they be? Weirdo.” And then I have a to­tal ner­vous break­down. ⁹⁄₁₁ – all be­cause some dumb kid didn’t know what in­cest was.

friend:
Oh no. I just got chills.

me:
I’m dying 😂

friend:
This is how But­ter­fly Ef­fect should have been written.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2020 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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