finding balance

Let’s face it Na­tal­ie. You aren’t a yoga per­son. You just aren’t.

No mat­ter how many times you do yoga, no mat­ter how many cute yogi out­fits you get to match your su­per cute mat, no mat­ter how many chakras you align or vinyasas you learn, you’ll nev­er be a yoga person. 

Stretch­ing high­lights your mus­cle ten­sion, deep breath­ing makes you light­head­ed, and med­i­ta­tion gives you anx­i­ety attacks. 

You are a rigid, over­think­ing, shal­low-breath­ing, neu­rot­ic ball of cyn­i­cism and angst. 

Sure yoga peo­ple are al­ways all hot and bendy and smug in a way that you aren’t – gen­er­al­ly an­noyed be­cause it seems earned, but that’s not you and that’s okay. 

You’re okay. Se­ri­ous­ly, you’re gonna be okay, just drink some Gatorade chased with whiskey.

Also ouch. So much ouch.

—na­tal­ie michelle

Flom­mist Na­tal­ie Michelle does­n’t have a bio. She just rants. Copy­right © 2016 Na­tal­ie Michelle. Pic­tured: Not Na­tal­ie.

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