‘that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead’

(To be read in Hap­py Har­ry Hard-on’s voice:)
                              

Look.

Next year’s gonna suck. There’s no rea­son it wouldn’t.

And maybe that’s ok.

There’s so many prob­lems that they all blend to­geth­er in a huge mass that blots out the sun and we’re all hop­ing for that one switch that flips things different. 

But there’s not one. 

Maybe we need­ed this to sober up about that.

 

                              

TEN THINGS TO DO BE­FORE YOU HIT FORTY

1.  Be­gin to put mon­ey in the bank and learn to leave it there

2.  Date the right person

3.  Get your own place, stop hav­ing room-mates

4.  Get out of debt

5.  Get that body you al­ways dreamed of and main­tain it

6.  Sur­round your­self with peo­ple and knock them out with a sin­gle 360 de­gree round­house kick

7.  Start to ac­cu­mu­late a for­tune and wealth

8.  Learn to dress well not sexy

9.  Ac­cept that you are an adult and start liv­ing as one

10.  Let go of the past and look for­ward to the future
 

(It’s to­tal­ly ok to read the sec­ond part in your reg­u­lar voice.)
 

 

—ja­son malmberg

Flom­mist Ja­son Malm­berg is a sim­ple man who be­lieves in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art some­times. Copy­right © 2021 Ja­son Malmberg.

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