i hate this. i hate this so much.

“We are now trapped in this sit­u­a­tion. There is no exit. We Rus­sians will spend many years dig­ging out from the con­se­quences of this day.”
—Kse­nia Sobchak … a men­tor to Vladimir Putin in the 90s
 

Every time I de­cide I’m go­ing to cut back on my drink­ing, some­thing crazy hap­pens.

Like, my cat al­most dy­ing at the vet.

Or you know, WWI­II.

 

I was just telling some­one the oth­er day that it’s pret­ty fuck­ing bad when peo­ple liv­ing in the Unit­ed States feel like they need to em­i­grate to oth­er ar­eas of the Unit­ed States be­cause some of them are just so god­damn shit­ty and ter­ri­ble.

Then the news about Texas came out and just re­al­ly ham­mered that sen­ti­ment home. It’s one thing af­ter an­oth­er in this fuckin’ place. On the dai­ly. If this coun­try is so great, why does so much shit hap­pen to so many peo­ple con­stant­ly?

THEN

I un­in­ten­tion­al­ly woke up to news of Rus­sia in­vad­ing Ukraine when I saw it on my phone as I was hit­ting snooze.

There’s very lit­tle that feels tru­ly im­por­tant right now, and my give-a-fuck reser­voir is at an all time low.
 

I MEAN,

it sure is a good thing we have a to­tal­ly nor­mal, healthy, func­tion­ing, not at all cor­rupt gov­ern­ment in charge of us here in the good ol’ Unit­ed States while Rus­sia in­vades Ukraine all the way over there.
 

I FIRST LEARNED ABOUT THE EX­IS­TENCE OF UKRAINE

watch­ing Ok­sana Baiul right­ful­ly win the gold met­al in ladies’ fig­ure skat­ing at the 1994 Olympics.

It has al­ways ex­ist­ed as a sep­a­rate coun­try in my mind, even though I wouldn’t learn un­til much lat­er that they de­clared in­de­pen­dence in 1991 af­ter the fall of the So­vi­et Union be­gan.

I am also com­plete­ly ob­sessed with the his­to­ry around Cher­nobyl, and have read every book about it that I can get my hands on.

Long sto­ry short, the Ukrain­ian peo­ple got com­plete­ly screwed, and what hap­pened to them was a huge cat­a­lyst (among oth­er things) for why they were so de­ter­mined to break out.

Putin is com­plete­ly full of shit when he said they have no right to ex­ist sep­a­rate from Rus­sia, not that I have to tell you that.
 

AND

a show­er thought that an­noyed me so much kin­da puts him in per­spec­tive.

Putin is a Russ­ian boomer.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2022 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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