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THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923


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carolyn.

On the phone with my mom:

I thought I’d writ­ten it down! I guess I must not have. Any­way, I don’t see what the big deal is, Carolyn.”

Mom, my name’s not Carolyn.”

I mean Karen.”

Mom my name’s not Karen either.”

What dif­fer­ence does it make?!”

ಠ_ಠ
 
 

She want­ed my SSN so I could be a ben­e­fi­cia­ry on her in­vest­ment ac­count. And it’s not the mon­ey, its

I’m just kind of weird about giv­ing out my SSN. Can I call them and give it to them directly?”

I’m your moth­er. What, do you think I’m go­ing to use it to open a cred­it card or something?!”

That’s ex­act­ly what I think, yes. 😒
 
 

As soon as I gave it to her: 

That’s what I thought it was I just wasn’t sure.”
 
 

I’m go­ing to be watch­ing my cred­it score  V E R Y  close­ly in the next six months.
 
 

Oth­er high­lights from my ear­li­er con­ver­sa­tion with my mother:

Me:
“Why do you want to move back to California?”

Her:
“Well, I don’t have any­one here.”
 
 

Her:
“He’s one of those peo­ple who vol­un­teers for the po­lice. I for­get what they’re called …”

Me: *be­ing cheeky* 
“An ass­hole?”

Her:
“Ass­hole? What’s that stand for?”

Me: *pinch­ing my nose be­tween my eyes, sighing* 
“Mom, nev­er mind …”
 
 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2019 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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Der Tung
Posted
Wed 24 Jul 2019

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