‘can’t… die… yet… must… ruin… coldplay’s… music…’

I mean, Cold­play was nev­er *that* great but hooooo boy af­ter they got mar­ried it went sub lev­el.

So imag­ine be­ing Gwyneth Pal­trow – a woman whose net worth is $100M, who is ar­guably a mediocre ac­tress, and has en­joyed mileage be­yond her war­ran­ty be­cause of her ap­pear­ance, who she mar­ried, and who her moth­er is.

Now imag­ine hav­ing even a frac­tion of that $100M and de­cid­ing,

“Nope, this isn’t enough. I need to bilk the ig­no­rant, un­sus­pect­ing pub­lic out of what lit­tle they have by ped­dling jade vagi­na eggs and all oth­er man­ners of ridicu­lous snake oil non­sense. I will fig­u­ra­tive­ly shake them up­side down by the an­kles for every last cent in their hap­less, pa­thet­ic lit­tle pock­ets.”

It’s bad enough when peo­ple who are av­er­age no­bod­ies try to bilk peo­ple with naturopathy/homeopathy, es­sen­tial oils, and MLMs. When a celebri­ty who is al­ready rich feels the need to take ad­van­tage of peo­ple like that …

She’s us­ing her fame to scam peo­ple, though. And while con­sumers have choice, it’s in­cred­i­bly im­moral and un­scrupu­lous to de­ceive peo­ple and charge them out­ra­geous amounts of mon­ey for things that can po­ten­tial­ly harm them.

This is a face that says,

“My mom is a masseuse and my dad is a chi­ro­prac­tor. I’ve nev­er had a sin­gle grain of sug­ar in my life. They’re pay­ing for me to go to Juil­liard to play the bas­soon. We adopt­ed my broth­er from Zim­bab­we sev­en years ago and he still doesn’t speak any Eng­lish.”

There is some­thing wrong with her. She is a dan­ger­ous so­ciopath (one of many) and the cul­ture that cre­at­ed and en­ables her needs to be de­stroyed.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2020 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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