deep badass thoughts

I was play­ing around with Snapchat fil­ters as I’m wont to do, and couldn’t help but love this one.

Not sure if it was see­ing my­self in hoops again or what, but it brought out some­thing in me I haven’t seen in a while, if ever – that to­tal #xing­o­na vibe. And I can’t think of a bet­ter pho­to to close out the past decade.

We all get re­flec­tive this time of year, and this pho­to seemed fit­ting for the tran­si­tion from can­cer sur­vivor to THRIV­ER. But when it be­lat­ed­ly oc­curred to me that this is also the end of a decade, I was shocked to re­call every­thing I’ve sur­vived, not just can­cer.

Those who have known me a long time know the past 10 years have dealt me blow af­ter blow: Count­less loss­es (jobs, friends, fam­i­ly and loved ones), fi­nan­cial duress, ever-de­clin­ing health, se­vere anx­i­ety, vi­o­lent phys­i­cal as­saults, ad­vanced can­cer …

But I’m still stand­ing.

How the hell did I get through it all? How did I do all that and live to tell the tale – and of­ten­times crack jokes about it?

I don’t have a bet­ter an­swer than the ad­mis­sion that yes, I am a fuck­ing badass.

It hasn’t been easy and I haven’t al­ways gone through things with grace. But my sur­vival in­stinct and de­sire to thrive are STRONG; I see that now. That goal I have every year to see the strength oth­ers see in me? I’ve reached it. I have no ex­cuse to ever doubt my badassery again.

The next decade will come with its own chal­lenges, I know that.

But even as I en­ter it bat­tered, maimed, bro­ken, and burned, I also know I will face those chal­lenges and beat them. Just like I’ve beat­en every­thing else.

It took the whole decade, but here, at the be­gin­ning of 2020, I fi­nal­ly got the memo that that’s who I am.

Xing­o­na. Berra­ca. To­tal eff­ing BADASS.

 

—kim­ber­ly a. morales

Flom­mist Kim­ber­ly A. Morales is a food and well­ness blog­ger, and pa­tron saint of cats. Copy­right © 2019/2020 Kim­ber­ly A. Morales. Top im­age: Favourite hood­ie.

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