i don’t care about pretty buildings built by slaves

“The soul of the nation.”

“Real Amer­i­cans.”

“Fam­i­ly values.”

Has any­one checked on the “we need to have more open di­a­logue” crowd? How they doin’?

 

“We’re gonna try to go high af­ter this! So high that we still con­cede any and all pow­er that’s been giv­en to us!”

 

I guess they’re all find­ing out what it’s like to be a grade school stu­dent in America.

 

Well, Joe Biden IS get­ting a first look at all the peo­ple on the oth­er side of the aisle he gonna reach across to.

Mean­while, Di­anne Fe­in­stein is late for her lun­cheon with Eleanor Roo­sevelt and Yogi the Bear.

 

Re­mem­ber four years ago when every­one was cream­ing their pants about the idea of a revolution?

Turns out a whole lot­ta peo­ple didn’t read The Monkey’s Paw in school.

 

We’ve been lied to since day one about what all these in­sti­tu­tions are sup­posed to rep­re­sent and we’ve also found out the hard way in the past four years that it’s all a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

The mar­ble can fall. What it’s sup­posed to stand for, both fig­u­ra­tive­ly and lit­er­al­ly, was nev­er re­al­ly there in the first place.

 

I want­ed him to die of COVID but oh no.

“He needs to live so he can go to jail.”

As long as this man is alive and able to flap his gums or peck out a tweet, this will continue.

 

When I look at the num­ber of peo­ple out protest­ing I just feel at a loss.

It’s hap­pen­ing here in Olympia too.

This is the governor’s mansion:

So can we please just split up into sev­er­al small­er coun­tries now?

I’m dead se­ri­ous. In the in­ter­est of bor­der lines, I re­al­ly don’t care if the east coast be­comes ‘in­ter­na­tion­al trav­el’ for me. We can just have an east coast/west coast al­liance and also we’ll have Tu­pac and Big­gie on our re­spec­tive money.

 

As pres­i­dent of Cas­ca­dia, I’ll di­rect some of the mon­ey we save not fund­ing these mo­rons into help­ing peo­ple re­lo­cate if they so choose.

 

Nev­er did I think I’d live to see so many se­vere­ly ig­no­rant peo­ple in this country.

And let’s be real here: The vast ma­jor­i­ty of them are will­ful­ly ignorant. 

There is no ex­cuse for this.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2021 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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