elementary, my dear

in first grade, our class held an “elec­tion” with just the names and pho­tos of pres­i­den­tial can­di­dates on a piece of paper.

bill clin­ton won.

when asked why i vot­ed for him, i said “he is the pret­ti­est one.”

and then the teacher start­ed talk­ing about the con­cept of judge­ments, and how we make them, like crit­i­cal think­ing stuff … but in a way that makes sense to first graders.

it wasn’t our reg­u­lar teacher tho, it was like a sub or some­one who came from the dis­trict for all those crazy stan­dard­ized tests they were ex­per­i­ment­ing on us with.

of course, they fig­ured out lat­er that it was just giv­ing us all anxiety.

ar­tic­u­lat­ing an ap­pre­ci­a­tion for dif­fer­ent kinds of aes­thet­ics when you’re bare­ly old enough to un­der­stand the con­cept is hard, so I just spent my en­tire child­hood call­ing all sorts of things pretty.

there’s a video some­where of 4‑year-old bwargh com­pli­ment­ing an anti-smok­ing ad with a skull on it,
you can hear my two old­er girl cousins go “ewwww!”
and then a tiny baby voice in­ter­jects: “i think it’s pretty!”

 

i didn’t know much about the oth­er pres­i­dents … rea­gan, carter, ford, etc.

from what i know about nixon, i feel like … trump is all that but stu­pid­er and with more charisma.

 

my fam­i­ly was so mad that clin­ton got elect­ed and i thought it was my fault.

i mean, he was the pret­ti­est tho.

 

—bwargh von modnar

Flom­mist Bwargh von Mod­nar is. Copy­right © 2020 Bwargh von Mod­nar.‬ I don’t know where the Maid­en­form thing came from. It was just one of my fa­vorite things on the in­ter­net five years ago to­day, ac­cord­ing to Facebook.

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