This seems to be a time of year for transitions, or awakenings. I feel like I’m experiencing a touch of both.
I met these two fractured pieces of my mind that appear to fit together, because they are shaped like they do, but they were split apart by some insane Christian Grey shit two years ago and haven’t touched since then. There are things I want to do, that would make me happy, that I do not feel any conscious sense of conflict about, but I won’t do them, because that one piece that won’t talk to me still has some kind of a problem.
Maybe she thinks she can’t, or maybe is waiting for another self-proclaimed sociopath to come and boss her around. I can make practical guesses, knowing that this is a part of myself that is not actually separate in any way. However, the wire that sends that information, to let me intuitively feel like I’m not secretly sharing my body with another person somehow, has been cut for a while.
I try to read the actions I can’t explain like I would from a friend doing the same, but they seem like they’re coming from someone in a way worse place than ever I feel like I’m in. Maybe that is the point though. I feel okay because I’m dissociated from that piece of self that isn’t. Now I don’t know how tell her the situation is safe to come out, that she isn’t crazy or too much, and that when she built that blanket fort to keep the world out, she also took the TV inside and we kinda need it right now.
—bwargh von modnar
Flommist Bwargh von Modnar is. Copyright © 2018 Bwargh von Modnar.
PLEASE SUPPORT FLOMM
TIPS + DONATIONS DISCREETLY ACCEPTED