decision 2024: a güd, ol fashion copy-paste

I owe my Trump-sup­port­ing friends an apology.

I’ve been crit­i­cal of the Trump pres­i­den­cy these last four years and am still ex­haust­ed from the experience.

But to be fair, Pres­i­dent Trump wasn’t that bad, oth­er than when he in­cit­ed an in­sur­rec­tion against the gov­ern­ment, mis­man­aged a pan­dem­ic that killed near­ly half a mil­lion Amer­i­cans, sep­a­rat­ed chil­dren from their fam­i­lies, lost those chil­dren in the bu­reau­cra­cy, tear-gassed peace­ful pro­test­ers on Lafayette Square so he could hold a pho­to op hold­ing a Bible in front of a church, tried to block all Mus­lims from en­ter­ing the coun­try, got im­peached, got im­peached again, had the worst jobs record of any pres­i­dent in mod­ern his­to­ry, pres­sured Ukraine to dig dirt on Joe Biden, fired the FBI di­rec­tor for in­ves­ti­gat­ing his ties to Rus­sia, bragged about fir­ing the FBI di­rec­tor on TV, took Vladimir Putin’s word over the US in­tel­li­gence com­mu­ni­ty, di­vert­ed mil­i­tary fund­ing to build his wall, caused the longest gov­ern­ment shut­down in US his­to­ry, called Black Lives Mat­ter a “sym­bol of hate,” lied near­ly 30,000 times, banned trans­gen­der peo­ple from serv­ing in the mil­i­tary, eject­ed re­porters from the White House brief­ing room who asked tough ques­tions, ve­toed the de­fense fund­ing bill be­cause it re­named mil­i­tary bases named for Con­fed­er­ate sol­diers, re­fused to re­lease his tax re­turns, in­creased the na­tion­al debt by near­ly $8 tril­lion, had three of the high­est an­nu­al trade deficits in U.S. his­to­ry, called vet­er­ans and sol­diers who died in com­bat losers and suck­ers, cod­dled the leader of Sau­di Ara­bia af­ter he or­dered the ex­e­cu­tion and dis­mem­ber­ing of a US-based jour­nal­ist, re­fused to con­cede the 2020 elec­tion, hired his un­qual­i­fied daugh­ter and son-in-law to work in the White House, walked out of an in­ter­view with Les­ley Stahl, called neo-Nazis “very fine peo­ple,” sug­gest­ed that peo­ple should in­ject bleach into their bod­ies to fight COVID, aban­doned our al­lies the Kurds to Turkey, pushed through mas­sive tax cuts for the wealth­i­est but balked at help­ing work­ing Amer­i­cans, in­cit­ed anti-lock­down pro­tes­tors in sev­er­al states at the height of the pan­dem­ic, with­drew the US from the Paris cli­mate ac­cords, with­drew the US from the Iran­ian nu­clear deal, with­drew the US from the Trans Pa­cif­ic Part­ner­ship which was de­signed to block China’s ad­vances, in­sult­ed his own Cab­i­net mem­bers on Twit­ter, pushed the leader of Mon­tene­gro out of the way dur­ing a pho­to op, failed to re­it­er­ate US com­mit­ment to de­fend­ing NATO al­lies, called Haiti and African na­tions “shit­hole” coun­tries, called the city of Bal­ti­more the “worst in the na­tion,” claimed that he sin­gle hand­ed­ly brought back the phrase “Mer­ry Christ­mas” even though it hadn’t gone any­where, forced his Cab­i­net mem­bers to praise him pub­licly like some cult leader, be­lieved he should be award­ed the No­bel Peace Prize, be­rat­ed and be­lit­tled his hand-picked At­tor­ney Gen­er­al when he re­cused him­self from the Rus­sia probe, sug­gest­ed the US should buy Green­land, col­lud­ed with Mitch Mc­Connell to push through fed­er­al judges and two Supreme Court jus­tices af­ter sup­port­ing ef­forts to pre­vent his pre­de­ces­sor from ap­point­ing judges, re­peat­ed­ly called the me­dia “en­e­mies of the peo­ple,” claimed that if we test­ed few­er peo­ple for COVID we’d have few­er cas­es, vi­o­lat­ed the emol­u­ments clause, thought that Nam­bia was a coun­try, told Bob Wood­ward in pri­vate that the coro­n­avirus was a big deal but then down­played it in pub­lic, called his ex­ceed­ing­ly faith­ful vice pres­i­dent a “p—y” for fol­low­ing the Con­sti­tu­tion, near­ly got us into a war with Iran af­ter threat­en­ing them by tweet, nom­i­nat­ed a cor­rupt head of the EPA, nom­i­nat­ed a cor­rupt head of HHS, nom­i­nat­ed a cor­rupt head of the In­te­ri­or De­part­ment, nom­i­nat­ed a cor­rupt head of the USDA, praised dic­ta­tors and au­thor­i­tar­i­ans around the world while crit­i­ciz­ing al­lies, re­fused to al­low the pres­i­den­tial tran­si­tion to be­gin, in­sult­ed war hero John Mc­Cain – even af­ter his death, spent an ob­scene amount of time play­ing golf af­ter crit­i­ciz­ing Barack Oba­ma for play­ing (far less) golf while pres­i­dent, false­ly claimed that he won the 2016 pop­u­lar vote, called the Mus­lim may­or of Lon­don a “stone cold los­er,” false­ly claimed that he turned down be­ing Time’s Man of the Year, con­sid­ered fir­ing spe­cial coun­sel Robert Mueller on sev­er­al oc­ca­sions, mocked wear­ing face masks to guard against trans­mit­ting COVID, locked Con­gress out of its con­sti­tu­tion­al duty to con­firm Cab­i­net of­fi­cials by hir­ing act­ing ones, used a racist dog whis­tle by call­ing COVID the “Chi­na virus,” hired and as­so­ci­at­ed with nu­mer­ous shady fig­ures that were even­tu­al­ly con­vict­ed of fed­er­al of­fens­es in­clud­ing his cam­paign man­ag­er and na­tion­al se­cu­ri­ty ad­vis­er, par­doned sev­er­al of his shady as­so­ciates, gave the Pres­i­den­tial Medal of Free­dom to two con­gress­man who am­pli­fied his bat­shit crazy con­spir­a­cy the­o­ries, got into tele­phone fight with the leader of Aus­tralia(!), had a Sec­re­tary of State who called him a mo­ron, forced his press sec­re­tary to claim with­out mer­it that his was the largest in­au­gu­ra­tion crowd in his­to­ry, botched the COVID vac­cine roll­out, tweet­ed so much dan­ger­ous pro­pa­gan­da that Twit­ter even­tu­al­ly banned him, charged the Se­cret Ser­vice jacked-up rates at his prop­er­ties, con­stant­ly in­ter­rupt­ed Joe Biden in their first pres­i­den­tial de­bate, claimed that COVID would “mag­i­cal­ly” dis­ap­pear, called a U.S. Sen­a­tor “Poc­a­hon­tas,” used his Twit­ter ac­count to blast Nord­strom when it stopped sell­ing Ivanka’s mer­chan­dise, opened up mil­lions of pris­tine fed­er­al lands to de­vel­op­ment and drilling, got into a los­ing tar­iff war with Chi­na that forced US tax­pay­ers to bail out farm­ers, claimed that his los­ing tar­iff war was a win for the US, ig­nored or didn’t even take part in dai­ly in­tel­li­gence brief­in­gs, blew off hon­or­ing Amer­i­can war dead in France be­cause it was rain­ing, re­designed Air Force One to look like the Trump Shut­tle, got played by Kim Jung Un and his “love let­ters,” threat­ened to go af­ter so­cial me­dia com­pa­nies in clear vi­o­la­tion of the Con­sti­tu­tion, botched the re­sponse to Hur­ri­cane Maria in Puer­to Rico, threw pa­per tow­els at Puer­to Ri­cans when he fi­nal­ly vis­it­ed them, pres­sured the gov­er­nor and sec­re­tary of state of Geor­gia to “find” him votes, thought that the Vir­gin is­lands had a Pres­i­dent, drew on a map with a Sharpie to jus­ti­fy his in­ac­cu­rate tweet that Al­aba­ma was threat­ened by a hur­ri­cane, al­lowed White House staff to use per­son­al email ac­counts for of­fi­cial busi­ness­es af­ter blast­ing Hillary Clin­ton for do­ing the same thing, rolled back reg­u­la­tions that pro­tect­ed the pub­lic from mer­cury and as­bestos, pushed reg­u­la­tors to waste time study­ing snake-oil reme­dies for COVID, rolled back reg­u­la­tions that stopped coal com­pa­nies from dump­ing waste into rivers, held bla­tant cam­paign ral­lies at the White House, tried to take away mil­lions of Amer­i­cans’ health in­sur­ance be­cause the law was named for a Black man, re­fused to at­tend his suc­ces­sors’ in­au­gu­ra­tion, nom­i­nat­ed the worst Ed­u­ca­tion Sec­re­tary in his­to­ry, threat­ened judges who didn’t do what he want­ed, at­tacked Dr. An­tho­ny Fau­ci, promised that Mex­i­co would pay for the wall (it didn’t), al­lowed po­lit­i­cal hacks to over­rule gov­ern­ment sci­en­tists on ma­jor re­ports on cli­mate change and oth­er is­sues, strug­gled nav­i­gat­ing a ramp af­ter claim­ing his op­po­nent was fee­ble, called an African-Amer­i­can Con­gress­woman “low IQ,” threat­ened to with­hold fed­er­al aid from states and cities with De­mo­c­ra­t­ic lead­ers, went ahead with ral­lies filled with mask­less sup­port­ers in the mid­dle of a pan­dem­ic, claimed that le­git­i­mate in­ves­ti­ga­tions of his wrong­do­ing were “witch hunts,” seemed to demon­strate a be­lief that there were air­ports dur­ing the Amer­i­can Rev­o­lu­tion, de­mand­ed “to­tal loy­al­ty” from the FBI di­rec­tor, praised a con­spir­a­cy the­o­ry that De­moc­rats are Sa­tan­ic pe­dophiles, com­plete­ly gut­ted the Voice of Amer­i­ca, placed a po­lit­i­cal hack in charge of the Postal Ser­vice, claimed with­out ev­i­dence that the Oba­ma ad­min­is­tra­tion bugged Trump Tow­er, sug­gest­ed that the US should al­low more peo­ple from places like Nor­way into the coun­try, sug­gest­ed that COVID wasn’t that bad be­cause he re­cov­ered with the help of top gov­ern­ment doc­tors and treat­ments not avail­able to the pub­lic, over­turned en­er­gy con­ser­va­tion stan­dards that even in­dus­try sup­port­ed, re­duced the num­ber of refugees the US ac­cepts, in­sult­ed var­i­ous mem­bers of Con­gress and the me­dia with in­fan­tile nick­names, gave Rush Lim­baugh a Pres­i­den­tial medal of Free­dom at the State of the Union ad­dress, named as head of fed­er­al per­son­nel a 29-year old who’d pre­vi­ous­ly been fired from the White House for al­le­ga­tions of fi­nan­cial im­pro­pri­eties, elim­i­nat­ed the White House of­fice of pan­dem­ic re­sponse, used sol­diers as cam­paign props, fired any ad­vi­sor who made the mis­take of dis­agree­ing with him, de­mand­ed the Pen­ta­gon throw him a So­vi­et-style mil­i­tary pa­rade, hired a shit ton of white na­tion­al­ists, politi­cized the civ­il ser­vice, did ab­solute­ly noth­ing af­ter Rus­sia hacked the U.S. gov­ern­ment, false­ly said the Boy Scouts called him to say his bizarre Jam­boree speech was the best speech ever giv­en to the Scouts, claimed that Black peo­ple would over­run the sub­urbs if Biden won, in­sult­ed re­porters of col­or, in­sult­ed women re­porters, in­sult­ed women re­porters of col­or, sug­gest­ed he was fine with China’s op­pres­sion of the Uighurs, at­tacked the Supreme Court when it ruled against him, sum­moned Penn­syl­va­nia state leg­isla­tive lead­ers to the White House to pres­sure them to over­turn the elec­tion, spent count­less hours every day watch­ing Fox News, re­fused to al­low his ad­min­is­tra­tion to com­ply with Con­gres­sion­al sub­poe­nas, hired Rudy Giu­liani as his lawyer, tried to pun­ish Ama­zon be­cause the Jeff Be­zos-owned Wash­ing­ton Post wrote neg­a­tive sto­ries about him, act­ed as if the At­tor­ney Gen­er­al of the Unit­ed States was his per­son­al at­tor­ney, at­tempt­ed to get the fed­er­al gov­ern­ment to de­fend him in a li­bel law­suit from a women who ac­cused him of sex­u­al as­sault, held pri­vate meet­ings with Vladimir Putin with­out staff present, didn’t dis­close his pri­vate meet­ings with Vladimir Putin so that the US had to find out via Russ­ian me­dia, stopped hold­ing press brief­in­gs for months at a time, “or­dered” US com­pa­nies to leave Chi­na even though he has no such pow­er, led a po­lit­i­cal par­ty that couldn’t even be both­ered to draft a pol­i­cy plat­form, claimed pre­pos­ter­ous­ly that Ar­ti­cle II of the Con­sti­tu­tion gave him ab­solute pow­ers, tried to pres­sure the U.K. to hold the British Open at his golf course, sug­gest­ed that the gov­ern­ment nuke hur­ri­canes, sug­gest­ed that wind tur­bines cause can­cer, said that he had a spe­cial ap­ti­tude for sci­ence, fired the head of elec­tion cy­ber se­cu­ri­ty af­ter he said that the 2020 elec­tion was se­cure, blurt­ed out clas­si­fied in­for­ma­tion to Russ­ian of­fi­cials, tried to force the G7 to hold their meet­ing at his fail­ing golf re­sort in Flori­da, fired the act­ing at­tor­ney gen­er­al when she re­fused to go along with his un­con­sti­tu­tion­al Mus­lim trav­el ban, hired Stephen Miller, open­ly dis­cussed na­tion­al se­cu­ri­ty is­sues in the din­ing room at Mar-a-Lago where every­one could hear them, in­ter­fered with plans to re­lo­cate the FBI be­cause a new de­vel­op­ment there might com­pete with his ho­tel, aban­doned Iraqi refugees who’d helped the U.S. dur­ing the war, tried to get Rus­sia back into the G7, held a COVID su­per spread­er event in the Rose Gar­den, seemed to be­lieve that Fred­er­ick Dou­glass is still alive, lost 60 elec­tion fraud cas­es in court in­clud­ing be­fore judges he had nom­i­nat­ed, false­ly claimed that fac­to­ries were re­open­ing when they weren’t, shame­less­ly ex­ploit­ed ter­ror at­tacks in Eu­rope to jus­ti­fy his anti-im­mi­grant poli­cies, still hasn’t come up with a health­care plan, still hasn’t come up with an in­fra­struc­ture plan de­spite re­peat­ed “In­fra­struc­ture Weeks,” forced Se­cret Ser­vice agents to dri­ve him around Wal­ter Reed while con­ta­gious with COVID, told the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by,” fucked up the Cen­sus, with­drew the U.S. from the World Health Or­ga­ni­za­tion in the mid­dle of a pan­dem­ic, did so few of his du­ties that his press staff were forced to state on his dai­ly sched­ule “Pres­i­dent Trump will work from ear­ly in the morn­ing un­til late in the evening. He will make many calls and have many meet­ings,” al­lowed his staff to re­peat­ed­ly vi­o­late the Hatch Act, seemed not to know that Abra­ham Lin­coln was a Re­pub­li­can, stood be­fore sa­cred CIA wall of he­roes and bragged about his elec­tion win, con­stant­ly claimed he was treat­ed worse than any pres­i­dent which pre­sum­ably in­cludes four that were as­sas­si­nat­ed and his pre­de­ces­sor whose le­git­i­ma­cy and birth­place were chal­lenged by a racist re­al­i­ty TV show star named Don­ald Trump, claimed An­drew Jack­son could’ve stopped the Civ­il War even though he died 16 years be­fore it hap­pened, said that any opin­ion poll show­ing him be­hind was fake, claimed that oth­er coun­tries laughed at us be­fore he be­came pres­i­dent when sev­er­al world lead­ers were lit­er­al­ly laugh­ing at him, claimed that the mil­i­tary was out of am­mu­ni­tion be­fore he be­came Pres­i­dent, cre­at­ed a com­mis­sion to white­wash Amer­i­can his­to­ry, retweet­ed anti-Is­lam videos from one of the most racist peo­ple in Britain, claimed lu­di­crous­ly that the Pulse night­club shoot­ing wouldn’t have hap­pened if some­one there had a gun even though there was an armed se­cu­ri­ty guard there, hired a se­nior staffer who cit­ed the non-ex­is­tent Bowl­ing Green Mas­sacre as a rea­son to ban Mus­lims, had a press sec­re­tary who claimed that Nazi Ger­many nev­er used chem­i­cal weapons even though every sane hu­man be­ing knows they used gas to kill mil­lions of Jews and oth­ers, bilked the Se­cret Ser­vice for high­er than mar­ket rates when they had to stay at Trump prop­er­ties, ap­par­ent­ly sold par­dons on his way out of the White House, stripped pro­tec­tive sta­tus from 59,000 Haitians, false­ly claimed Biden want­ed to de­fund the po­lice, said that the head of the CDC didn’t know what he was talk­ing about, tried to re­scind pro­tec­tion from DREAM­ers, gave him­self an A+ for his han­dling of the pan­dem­ic, tried to start a boy­cott of Goodyear tires due to an In­ter­net hoax, said U.S. rates of COVID would be low­er if you didn’t count blue states, de­port­ed U.S. vet­er­ans who served their coun­try but were un­doc­u­ment­ed, claimed he did more for African Amer­i­cans than any pres­i­dent since Lin­coln, tout­ed a “su­per-duper” se­cret “hy­droson­ic” mis­sile which may or may not be a new “hy­per­son­ic” mis­sile or may not ex­ist at all, retweet­ed a gif call­ing Biden a pe­dophile, forced through se­cu­ri­ty clear­ances for his fam­i­ly, sug­gest­ed that po­lice of­fi­cers should rough up sus­pects, sug­gest­ed that Biden was on per­for­mance-en­hanc­ing drugs, tried to stop trans­gen­der stu­dents from be­ing able to use school bath­rooms in line with their gen­der, sug­gest­ed the US not ac­cept COVID pa­tients from a cruise ship be­cause it would make US num­bers look high­er, nom­i­nat­ed a cli­mate change scep­tic to chair the com­mit­tee ad­vis­ing the White House on en­vi­ron­men­tal pol­i­cy, retweet­ed a video doc­tored to look like Biden had played a song called “Fuck tha Po­lice” at a cam­paign event, hugged a dis­turbing­ly large num­ber of U.S. flags, ac­cused De­moc­rats of “trea­son” for not ap­plaud­ing his State of the Union ad­dress, claimed that the FBI failed to cap­ture the Park­land school shoot­er be­cause they were “spend­ing too much time” on Rus­sia, mocked the tes­ti­mo­ny of Dr Chris­tine Blasey Ford when she ac­cused Brett Ka­vanaugh of sex­u­al as­sault, ob­sessed over low-flow toi­lets, or­dered the rere­lease of more COVID vac­cines when there weren’t any to re­lease, called for the con­struc­tion of a bizarre gar­den of he­roes with statutes of fa­mous dead Amer­i­cans as well as at least one Cana­di­an (Alex Tre­bek), hi­jacked Washington’s July 4th cel­e­bra­tions to give a par­ti­san speech, took ad­vice from the MyP­il­low guy, claimed that mi­grants seek­ing a bet­ter life in the US were dan­ger­ous car­a­vans of drug deal­ers and rapists, said noth­ing when Vladimir Putin poi­soned a lead­ing op­po­si­tion fig­ure, nev­er seemed to heed the ad­vice of his wife’s “Be Best” cam­paign, false­ly claimed that mail-in vot­ing is fraud­u­lent, an­nounced a pre­cip­i­tous with­draw­al of troops from Syr­ia which not only hand­ed Rus­sia and ISIS a win but also prompt­ed his de­fense sec­re­tary to re­sign in protest, in­sult­ed the leader of Cana­da, in­sult­ed the leader of France, in­sult­ed the leader of Britain, in­sult­ed the leader of Ger­many, in­sult­ed the leader of Swe­den (Swe­den!!), false­ly claimed cred­it for get­ting NATO mem­bers to in­crease their share of dues, blew off two Asia sum­mits even though they were held vir­tu­al­ly, con­tin­ued ly­ing about spend­ing lots of time at Ground Zero with ⁹⁄₁₁ re­spon­ders, said that the Japan­ese would sit back and watch their “Sony tele­vi­sions” if the US were ever at­tacked, left a NATO sum­mit ear­ly in a huff, stared di­rect­ly into an eclipse even though every­one over the age of 5 knows not to do that, called him­self a very sta­ble ge­nius de­spite sig­nif­i­cant ev­i­dence to the con­trary, re­fused to com­mit to a peace­ful trans­fer of pow­er and kept his promise, and a whole bunch of oth­er things I can’t re­mem­ber at the moment.

But oth­er than that . . .

Plz copy and paste. Who­ev­er wrote this de­serves cred­it. I don’t know who that is.

 

And I have looked.

Dug around a bit, scraped and searched.
Seems to be from 2020.
Email from a rel­a­tive?

Top im­age from 2024. Of course.

 

—steve mehal­lo

Flom­mist Steve Mehal­lo is a graph­ic de­sign­er, il­lus­tra­tor, font de­sign­er, ed­u­ca­tor, food­ie and gad­fly. He is the cre­ator and founder of FLOMM!

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