Good evening, party kids.
Aaron has made me a manhattan,
because somebody recommended that I have a drink in my hand while I do this.
So it’s happening.
It’s tme for liveblogging Movies After Dark, with your hostess Emily Duchaine.
My coworker is letting me borrow The Room (2003) so I can watch it and be one of the people in our office who has seen it so I can join them for James Franco’s The Disaster Artist (2017) when it comes out in theaters.
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Let’s begin. Will contain spoilers, of course …
Wiseau Films
Wiseau Films (again)
Starring Tommy Wiseau
Executive Producer Tommy Wiseau
Written by Tommy Wiseau
Produced by Tommy Wiseau
Directed by Tommy Wiseau
Tommy Wiseau
Wiseau
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I can’t figure out if his camera was out of focus or if I suddenly need new glasses.
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WHY DID THIS KID JOIN THEIR PILLOW FIGHT?
Oh my god!
“I just like to watch you guys!”
LOLOLOLOLOL
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This is one of the worst sex scenes I’ve ever seen. No amount of Jon Hamm pictures will make up for this. What am I doing to myself.
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They have not one, but two framed pictures of water pitchers on their mantle.
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Now she is sitting next to a framed picture of a spoon.
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Lisa and this other guy are drinking red wine in champagne flutes. Seeing as how they love dishes and utensils enough to frame pictures of them and put them around the house, you’d think they’d know how to use proper stemware.
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Oh yay another sex scene. At least this guy is marginally more attractive than Wiseau, but even the smallest decimal is still more than zero.
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Oh hai doggy!
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THEY ARE REUSING SEX SCENES HAHAHAHAHA
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“Did you know that chocolate is the symbol of love?” Oh my god what is going on in this scene? Who makes faces like this when a woman is going down on them?
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They used green screen for this shot on the roof. Why. It’s a roof.
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YOOO AHHHH TEAARRING ME APAAHHT LEEEESSAAA!
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Yes we get it, you’re in San Francisco. As evidenced by the Golden Gate Bridge. For the 37th time.
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They made Mike stay to play football and now the camera shot is cutting him entirely out of the scene while they throw the ball to him.
“Oh hai Mark!”
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They were just in tuxes with no explanation for why and then they played football in an alley while still wearing the tuxes and now they’re out of the tuxes. End scene.
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“What client?”
“I cannot tell you, it’s confidential.”
“Oh come on.”
“No, I can’t! Anyway, how is your sex life?”
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To be fair, this IS the best movie about two dudes throwing a football I’ve ever seen.
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Everyone just stepped outside at this party to get some fresh air and she’s just going to make out with this guy on the couch?!
Also this psychiatrist is a completely different actor from before and he doesn’t even look like the last guy. The last guy wore glasses and this guy doesn’t wear glasses.
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“This is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends. Good thinking!”
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“I feel like I’m sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off.”
You and me both, buddy.
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Okay he set up that tape recorder like a week ago there’s no way it didn’t run out of tape after an hour.
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They just found him lying in a pool of blood on the floor, unresponsive to them shaking him and yelling at him.
“Is he dead?”
Ahhahahahahhahahahaha.
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Wow. That did not end well. I mean, neither figuratively nor literally did it end well. And now that weird you are my rose song is playing over the credits. Haha WTF.
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“Sestero recalls in his book The Disaster Artist that Wiseau intended for the film to contain a subplot in which Johnny was revealed to be a vampire, due to Wiseau’s own fascination with the creatures. Sestero recounts how, at the outset of production, Wiseau tasked members of the crew with figuring out a way to execute a sequence in which Johnny’s Mercedes-Benz would lift off from the roof of the townhouse and fly across the San Francisco skyline, revealing Johnny’s vampiric nature. Wiseau eventually decided to drop the subplot after learning that there was no practical way to film the flying car scene on the production’s budget.”
—source
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The Disaster Artist opens 1 December 2017.
—emily duchaine
Flommist Emily Duchaine lives in the Pacific Northwest. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and listen to the Talking Heads. She pretends to be a professional businesswoman most days. Copyright © 2017 Emily Duchaine.
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