the right to a hobby

“If you had a next door neigh­bor who fetishized poi­sons – col­lect­ed vials of poi­sons, dis­played them on shelves in their home and spent hours talk­ing about lethal dos­es and quick­ness and their pret­ty col­ors and their de­tectabil­i­ty and their ease of use and car­ried them around with them – you would rea­son­ably say that per­son is fucked up and have noth­ing to do with them.”
—MeFi

“God or whatever”
—Pres­i­dent Dipshit

Just think: We could have had a pres­i­dent that could han­dle more than one thing at a time. Or even one thing at a time.

Time to be blunt.
If your ‘prayers’ in­clude no pre­ven­tive ac­tion then shove your worth­less prayers up your use­less ass.

The ONLY rea­son you as an Amer­i­can aren’t dead right now from a mass shoot­ing is be­cause it hasn’t oc­curred to an­oth­er Amer­i­can to per­form a mass-shoot­ing where you are.

Bro, if some­body wants to kill peo­ple they will do it with­out a gun.

They might kill 50 few­er peo­ple and in­jure 500 few­er peo­ple that way but I’m a paste-eat­ing dip­shit typ­ing words so YOLO.

Don’t take the bait.

It will nev­er be ‘enough’ be­cause we are fight­ing a *fan­ta­sy*.

Every fish-hold­ing id­iot goa­tee dad with a John Mc­Claine fan­ta­sy about sin­gle-hand­ed­ly stop­ping a mass-shoot­ing or top­pling a dic­ta­tor stands be­tween us and stop­ping these massacres. 

Prob­lem is, of­ten they are the ones com­mit­ting the shoot­ings and they are the ones elect­ing the dictators. 

With­out un­re­strict­ed ac­cess to guns, how will gun nuts not pro­tect us from the tyran­ni­cal au­to­crats they en­thu­si­as­ti­cal­ly vote into the White House?

Re­mem­ber: Be­ing hu­man­ized af­ter you com­mit a mass-mur­der is for white guys only. Even I am tempt­ed at a pri­mal lev­el to be­gin paint­ing him as a trag­ic fig­ure based on this head­line. I won’t of course but that’s how in­sid­i­ous this stuff is.

And
if you need the words, feel free to copy and paste these: 

“Oh shut the fuck up. Were tired of play­ing the rhetor­i­cal games of gun lov­ing dip­shits while liv­ing with the com­plete­ly un­nec­es­sary hor­ror caused by their id­i­ot­ic fuck­ing hob­by. Data ex­ists. We have the rest of the civ­i­lized world not deal­ing with these as fre­quent­ly or on this scale. You are an ac­tu­al stu­pid per­son and you have NOTH­ING to add but the usu­al bull­shit talk­ing points in de­fense of need­less mas­sacres. Fuck your­self. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

It’s im­por­tant that you re­al­ize that this re­al­ly is about a hob­by. The right to a hob­by. You lost your kid/spouse/friend/parent so some­one could freely pur­sue their hobby.

Je­sus fuck­ing Christ.
Fuck our id­i­ot­ic gun laws.
Fuck your stu­pid hobby.
Fuck your toys.
Fuck your ju­ve­nile Pun­ish­er fas­cist logo cosplay.
Fuck your va­pid pre­ten­sions about militias.
Fuck your in­vo­ca­tion of need­ing them as our last line of con­sti­tu­tion­al de­fense while si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly sup­port­ing a pres­i­dent that would black out huge chunks of it with a Sharpie if he could.

Here 2Assholes.
Here’s one of your own. With an armed crew.
He sees that it’s bull­shit now.
 

up­date 5 oc­to­ber 2017 
I made this. Feel free to share with­out attribution:

If ‘law-abid­ing gun own­ers’ are such rea­son­able saint­ly types, why are they all rush­ing out to stock up on the tool that was just used in a mass murder?

Imag­ine if you got run over by a car and a bunch of peo­ple im­me­di­ate­ly came out of the wood­work to flip you shit be­cause you don’t know how anti-lock brakes work *in de­tail*

That’s how ob­nox­ious gun nuts are.

#fuck­y­ourhob­by
 
 

—ja­son malmberg

Flom­mist Ja­son Malm­berg is a sim­ple man who be­lieves in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art some­times. Copy­right © 2017 Ja­son Malm­berg. Top im­age via David Turkell.

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