Stage 1: Denial.
“I don’t get sick. I never get sick. This is just allergies, so I’m going to push myself physically to prove I am not sick.”
Stage 2: Anger.
“This is the fault of the fucking child that coughed near me a week ago. That little germy bastard.”
Stage 3: Bargaining.
“Okay immune system, if I drink a liter of Apple Cider Vinegar, take 400 vitamin C pills, and chew on a turmeric root that’ll give you everything you need right? I’ll give you one day of sick but then I have to be back on my feet.”
Stage 4: Depression
“Why did this happen to me?! What did I do to deserve this? Why don’t I have any kimchi soup on hand? I am never prepared in life for anything. This is why I have no one to bring me kimchi soup. Who wants to be with some sick loser who doesn’t freeze kimchi soup ahead of time for when she gets sick? I suck at everything, even my dumb immune system sucks.”
Stage 5: Acceptance
“This is it. I am going to die. I had a good run I guess. Hopefully I can watch something good on Netflix in my final hours. Goodbye cruel world, I hardly knew you … ”
(sad gentle cough)
—natalie michelle
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2017 Natalie Michelle. Image by mehallo.
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