kicking bucket already

“MOST et­y­mol­o­gists agree that the ‘buck­et’ refers to a kind of yoke that was used to hold pigs by their heels so that they could be slaugh­tered, and was par­tic­u­lar­ly used in parts of Nor­folk. The sub­se­quent death-throe spasms of the un­for­tu­nate an­i­mals cre­at­ed the im­pres­sion that they were ‘kick­ing the bucket’”
—Andy Parkin
 

The con­cepts of heav­en and hell are just hu­mans try­ing to make sense of their mor­tal­i­ty and, at best, hold onto some hope that the worst of us will face consequences.

But I get it. 

The ab­solute best thing that could hap­pen to that aw­ful, de­spi­ca­ble man is if, in his last mo­ment of con­scious­ness, he ex­pe­ri­enced some­thing that showed him – with­out a shad­ow of a doubt – that he was wrong his en­tire life and he was go­ing to just blink out of ex­is­tence and every­one would be glad he’s fi­nal­ly dead.

 

“Star­bucks Cel­e­brates* Pride
*plays “be­lieve” by Cher every 27 min­utes for a month”
—Gin and Tacos

Un­der­stand­ing the prob­lems with rain­bow cap­i­tal­ism, I still think it’s fair to give at least a lit­tle side-eye to any in­de­pen­dent­ly-owned busi­ness that doesn’t ac­knowl­edge pride month whatsoever.
 

“HAHA YES! WE’VE GOT HIM NOW!”
—Every­one, every day, forever.

I post­ed that some­where in 2017. Cred­it­ed to my friend Mike Mills.

 

Just saw a stick­er on the back win­dow of a car that said “faith, fam­i­ly, friends.”

Now I wan­na get one that says “friends, fet­tuc­cine, farts.”

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2023 Emi­ly Duchaine. In­dict­ed meme by Christo­pher Speran­dio.

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