i can only imagine what kind of insane bullshit was preached at my in-laws’ church this morning

Just to give you an idea: 

My in-laws at­tend­ed the same As­sem­blies of God church for thir­ty years.

My MIL has worked there since my SIL left home fif­teen years ago. My SIL was mar­ried there. They tithed 15% every year of their membership.

Why did they leave and go to this new wack­adoo fuck­ing church? 

Be­cause dur­ing the lock­down, the new, younger head pas­tor de­cid­ed to fol­low so­cial dis­tanc­ing pro­to­col and sus­pend in per­son ser­vices un­less the weath­er was nice and then he re­quired every­one to be six feet apart. He in­sti­tut­ed on­line ser­vices too.

Well, a few ass­holes hat­ed that this guy was ask­ing “WWJD?” and ac­tu­al­ly do­ing it, and my in-laws are far right con­ser­v­a­tive mo­rons, so they fol­lowed suit. 

And those ass­holes start­ed their own church lit­er­al­ly in the woods with no fa­cil­i­ties or build­ings. Just stand­ing in the mid­dle of the trees off the side of the road.

As if that isn’t dumb enough, my FIL’s Parkinson’s was al­ready re­al­ly bad by that point so yes, my MIL stu­pid­ly dragged him out to the mid­dle of nowhere with­out a bath­room or a place to sit just so they could at­tend “church.”

There are prop­er build­ings now but every time I think about this I’m like:

 

“this is one of those hor­ri­fy­ing­ly clear mo­ments in his­to­ry when you im­me­di­ate­ly know every­thing has changed but you can’t see how yet”
—Olivia Ruth Messer
 

Right now, we live in a coun­try

where peo­ple on both ends of the po­lit­i­cal spec­trum and every­where in­be­tween think guns are an ac­cept­able an­swer to any ques­tion re­gard­ing se­cu­ri­ty, safe­ty, and per­son­al freedom. 

So when peo­ple are Sur­prised Pikachu Face that some­thing like what hap­pened yes­ter­day goes down, I just have to be like, My brother/sister in Christ …

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2024 Emi­ly Duchaine. Up top: Gus­tav Klimt, Birch For­est (de­tail), 1903.

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