holidayycinemah

As we en­ter yet an­oth­er hol­i­day sea­son it’s time for a brief pop cul­ture re­cal­i­bra­tion vis a vis du cin­e­ma:

Home Alone (1990)
Fam­i­ly of rich ass­holes do in­sane­ly wealthy rich peo­ple ass­hole shit and lose a kid be­cause they are obliv­i­ous rich ass­holes.
Ver­dict: Ugggh­h­h­h­h­h­h­h­hh.

Christ­mas Va­ca­tion (1989)
Fam­i­ly of rich ass­holes that al­most cer­tain­ly live down the street from *those* (^) ass­holes flip the fuck out be­cause they might have to get their swim­ming pool fi­nanced.
Ver­dict: I love it but ugh.

Love Ac­tu­al­ly (2003)
Every­one is ter­ri­ble and some­times they bone, of­ten for no good rea­son what­so­ev­er.
Ver­dict: If I wasn’t a suck­er for British peo­ple. Oy. Still an Ugh. But I love it. Be­cause *I’m* aw­ful.

The Night Be­fore (2015)
Fast be­com­ing a per­son­al hol­i­day clas­sic, this one ac­tu­al­ly feels like real life and is a great time. It feels like a clas­sic 80’s ‘into the night’ flick in some ways and it nails the vibe of be­ing young and hang­ing with friends the night be­fore Christ­mas.
Ver­dict: Hell yes.

Die Hard (1988)
Have we talked about how fun­ny it is in Die Hard that one of the ways the lock­down of the build­ing is vi­su­al­ized is that the es­ca­la­tor stops mov­ing?
Ver­dict: We need a cut where John in­cred­u­lous­ly says ‘Fuckin’ Cal­i­for­nia’ af­ter every fight, kill and ex­plo­sion.

Coco (2017)
If you’re see­ing Coco this week­end be ad­vised that it is pre­ced­ed by a Frozen short that isn’t very good but IS very long. Spend the time do­ing lit­er­al­ly any­thing else. It’s a very ob­vi­ous con­trast putting some­thing this re­lent­less­ly bland and white be­fore some­thing so rich and proud­ly latin. You can’t help but trip over the dis­con­nect.
Ver­dict: Wow. Coco is A++ clas­sic Pixar in line with their toppest-tier clas­sic films. It ex­ceed­ed all ex­pec­ta­tions. Take your family/familia at once. Blown away. Now if you’ll ex­cuse me (sniff) I have sev­er­al dozen things in my eye.
 

Also. To­day. Time Mag­a­zine called and of­fered me Per­son of the Year but I de­clined as I am more of a vibe than a per­son.
 
 

—ja­son malm­berg

Flom­mist Ja­son Malm­berg is a sim­ple man who be­lieves in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art some­times. Copy­right © 2017 Ja­son Malm­berg.

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