got some money, went to see a star war

Here’s my thoughts on
Star Wars: The Rise of Sky­walk­er (2019) –

al­ter­na­tive title:
Star Wars: The Rise of the Voic­es of the Kids Sit­ting in Front of Us.

 

Spoil­ers below!

 

the good
·   Chewie
·   Lando
·   The cute lit­tle new droid
·   Ben/Kylo Ren
·   Rey
·   Luke
·   Han
·   Poe
·   Keri Russell’s Man­dalo­ri­an-ish character

the bad
·  That kiss.
·  Rey be­ing Palpatine’s grand­daugh­ter – gimme a fuckin’ break! I didn’t like her be­ing a no­body, but that’s so much worse.
·  Finn be­ing an an­noy­ing pest (Dude, she’s just not that into you. Also she has The Force, she’ll be fine)
·   The ex­po­si­tion. Oh GOD, the ex­po­si­tion, it was worse than in TLJ!
·   The CGI young Leia. Again. Come on, if Columbia/WB/Sony can make Rachel look like Rachel in Blade Run­ner 2049 (2017), Dis­ney can fuckin’ ren­der a bet­ter young Leia
·   That fes­ti­val they went to in the be­gin­ning that’s ob­vi­ous­ly Holi. I in­vol­un­tar­i­ly blurt­ed out, “Oh no.”

the un­for­tu­nate
·   Car­rie Fisher’s lim­it­ed role. I get why, but it was still dis­ap­point­ing and clunky.
·   Rose not get­ting more screen time (You’re shocked, I know – even though I didn’t like her char­ac­ter in TLJ, even I can agree that she should have had a more sig­nif­i­cant role in this film)
·   The les­bian kiss. That couldn’t have been more phoned in and forced if it had been a call to my moth­er. Also, blink and you’ll miss it.

sad­dest moment
Chewie cry­ing when Leia died.

most hi­lar­i­ous moment
“I’m the spy!”

most hi­lar­i­ous run­ner up
“I don’t care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose!”

whaaaaa … ?
·   Rey ini­tial­ly re­fus­es Leia’s lightsaber in the be­gin­ning … but then there’s a sec­ond lightsaber on Luke’s island?
·   Pal­pa­tine drained Rey and Ben’s life force, but not really?
·   I nev­er saw an­oth­er ship for Chewie to get on, did you? Oh well.

and also, so fuck­ing funny
When Rey and Ben kissed, the woman in front of us blurt­ed out, “Oh, what?!” and the EN­TIRE THE­ATER START­ED LAUGHING.

 

I’m hap­py it’s over. I hope it stays over. I also don’t re­al­ly care I guess.

It had po­ten­tial and it all went down­hill. It doesn’t matter.

The Man­dalo­ri­an > Episodes VII – IX.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2020 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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