it’s going to get weird

                     
Some guy

just ap­proached me tonight and I’m pret­ty sure he is my age but he thought I was younger than him.

him (slur­ri­ly):
“Fell frrr to tell mrrr I’m too ol­l­ll for you and I’ll stop hit­tinnnn on yoooouuuu.”

me:
“Well, I’m very flat­tered, thank you, but I’m hap­pi­ly married.”
*holds up left hand and shows him new­ly pol­ished, cleaned ring*

him:
“Yur­rrsss baaar­rrt this is Seat­tle, and …”
*over­ly an­i­mat­ed hand gestures* 
“… there’s mar­riage and ro­mance, and then, there’s sex …”

me:
*gets weird with it* 
“Ep! Ep ep ep ep ep arp arp arp bapbapbapbapbapbarpbep …”
*sounds more and more like a sea lion the more I do that*

him:
*quick­ly walks away*
 

 

Ladies!

I have found the key to get­ting a dude to fuck off when he’s giv­ing you un­want­ed attention: 

Start bark­ing like a sea lion.
 

 

 

T H O 

this could back­fire, and you do not want the added at­ten­tion of those it would back­fire with.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2021 Emi­ly Duchaine.

PLEASE   SUPPORT   FLOMM
TIPS  +  DONATIONS  DISCREETLY  ACCEPTED

FLOMM
promotes learning  +  education worldwide
drawing attention to works by nü  +  upcoming artists,
designers, writers, musicians  +  MOR

OUR INVOLVEMENT
– however –
is mostly paid for out of pocket or in trade

IF YOU ENJOY
wat  FLOMM  is doing here, please consider


1.   LEAVE US A TIP  :
use our tip jar whenever the mood hits



2.   BUY OUR SWAG  :
our approach is semi-green —
                all our  FLOMMHAUS  merch is made to order



3.   HELP US OUT  :
use our hashtags  #flomm  #flommus  #whereisflomm  #nüflommart  #flommist
when posting on ur socials —
or drop us a note and offer to help in some way
everything we do is on a volunteer basis —
             when we say  YOU CAN BE A FLOMMIST TOO  this is wat we mean

THANK YOU
your support helps our continued efforts
to create content across numerous platforms

clic 「 HIER   」 to return to the DER TUNG front page