Let’s face it Natalie. You aren’t a yoga person. You just aren’t.
No matter how many times you do yoga, no matter how many cute yogi outfits you get to match your super cute mat, no matter how many chakras you align or vinyasas you learn, you’ll never be a yoga person.
Stretching highlights your muscle tension, deep breathing makes you lightheaded, and meditation gives you anxiety attacks.
You are a rigid, overthinking, shallow-breathing, neurotic ball of cynicism and angst.
Sure yoga people are always all hot and bendy and smug in a way that you aren’t – generally annoyed because it seems earned, but that’s not you and that’s okay.
You’re okay. Seriously, you’re gonna be okay, just drink some Gatorade chased with whiskey.
Also ouch. So much ouch.
—natalie michelle
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2016 Natalie Michelle. Pictured: Not Natalie.
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