I randomly remembered a 5th grade homework assignment.
I had to draw a fictional character followed by a synopsis of who they were from popular media. Naturally, I forgot to do it and attempted to pass off a random sketch I drew as the assignment.
A werewolf sprouting from roots.
The teacher called my bluff, asked me to cite the work from whence my Werewolf flower came. I made up some tale of Stan Lee’s bastard lovechild, a failed comic artist turned florist and children’s book author who had written an obscure manuscript about Monster/Flower hybrids.
Ms. Havishalm wasn’t amused and I got an F. I told her the grade reflected an editorial bias against bastard playwrights and esoteric works.
After, every one of my Single Minded Proposition book reports received a failing grade. As did my haikus about Fart Nuggets, our class hamster (I won a raffle and got to name him).
My only takeaway from this memory are the following:
1. I still think I deserved at least a D.
2. Google would have made my childhood impossible
3. I am a horrible student.
4. It was a wicked Werewolf Flower.
—louis hernandez
Flommist Louis Herdandez is obsessed with going Bauhaus and becoming The Machine. Preferably a drill press. Copyright © 2018 Louis Hernandez. Image: Norman Rockwell, Happy Birthday, Miss Jones (cropped), 1956, source.
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