2 biggest holidays of the year, back to back

I com­plete­ly nixed the sal­ad I had planned from the meal tomorrow.
“They’re not gonna like this anyway.”
 

I love that we picked peak
“it’s cloudy and cold and gray and all I want to do is rest and sleep”
sea­son to com­pel peo­ple to spend lots of mon­ey and ef­fort on gath­er­ings with peo­ple they ad­mit­ted­ly don’t want to see.*

I’m sup­posed to be do­ing all kinds of shit around here to get ready for my in laws to come over to­mor­row and I haven’t done a sin­gle god­damn thing. 

Half my Hal­loween dec­o­ra­tions are still up. 

I’ve sat on my ass and played An­i­mal Cross­ing since I woke up today. 

I can’t even be both­ered to care, honestly.
 

“Oh sor­ry there’s a pile of box­es in that cor­ner, I may have turned 39 this year but I’m tired like I’m 80.”
 

“Well I guess I ought to get started.”
(Puts on a bra)
“That’s enough for today.”
 

“Oh that pile of nudie mag­a­zines? Oops!”
(We re­al­ly do have a stack of Camp Out and I’m tempt­ed to leave it out.)
 

At this point, I have only eat­en a waf­fle, two cups of cof­fee, and a mimosa.
Me:
“Blargh, why do I feel like I could slip into a coma?”
*eats a slice of cheese, some al­monds, and an ap­ple, drinks water*
“Oh. Duh.”
This whole “tak­ing care of my­self” thing. Some­times I’m just bad at it.
 

“Un­cle Jar­rett, these tar fumes are mak­ing me dizzy!”
“Yeah, they’ll do that.”
 

“What do you have to drink around here that isn’t alcoholic?”
“Wa­ter.”

*uses in­dex fin­ger to wag­gle my lips as I sing*
“Hababababa­banb­s­bs ababacbcr­br­brobo­bos­b­s­b­sb tbtbtb­hb­hb­h­be­be­beb wbwbwbwbababababatbtbtbtbebebebebrbrbrbbr”

 

—emi­ly duchaine

* If you love spend­ing time with them, that’s cool, this doesn’t ap­ply to you.

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2021 Emi­ly Duchaine.

PLEASE   SUPPORT   FLOMM
TIPS  +  DONATIONS  DISCREETLY  ACCEPTED

FLOMM
promotes learning  +  education worldwide
drawing attention to works by nü  +  upcoming artists,
designers, writers, musicians  +  MOR

OUR INVOLVEMENT
– however –
is mostly paid for out of pocket or in trade

IF YOU ENJOY
wat  FLOMM  is doing here, please consider


1.   LEAVE US A TIP  :
use our tip jar whenever the mood hits



2.   BUY OUR SWAG  :
our approach is semi-green —
                all our  FLOMMHAUS  merch is made to order



3.   HELP US OUT  :
use our hashtags  #flomm  #flommus  #whereisflomm  #nüflommart  #flommist
when posting on ur socials —
or drop us a note and offer to help in some way
everything we do is on a volunteer basis —
             when we say  YOU CAN BE A FLOMMIST TOO  this is wat we mean

THANK YOU
your support helps our continued efforts
to create content across numerous platforms

clic 「 HIER   」 to return to the DER TUNG front page