must use massive amounts of flour and lard for piecrusts

There’s a nev­er-end­ing list of things I hate about this time of year and one of them is ads that show women dressed to the nines look­ing flaw­less while they do any sort of hol­i­day activity.

No­body dress­es up and wears un­com­fort­able clothes to hang or­na­ments on the tree, wrap presents, or bake cookies.

That shit is done in com­fy clothes and aprons or grub­by wear that you don’t care if it gets dirty.

Oh also

Don’t for­get!

Now is the time to buy that new Mer­cedes Benz, Lexus, or BMW you’ve had your eye on all year.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2019 Emi­ly Duchaine. Hed by Traci Hare.

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