absurd doses

Hey so no­body fuck­ing asked, but I’m not fat be­cause I binge ate to deal with my trau­mas. I’m fat be­cause a doc­tor put me on a very strong steroid as a child, stunt­ing my growth and chang­ing the way my body holds fat.

I was heav­ier be­cause a doc­tor put me on an ab­surd dose of Zoloft, and the months spent un­able to do much be­cause of with­draw­al, on top of hav­ing al­ready spent a year and a half on a drug that fucked with my weight, on top of some of the most stress­ful months of my life im­me­di­ate­ly pri­or to with­draw­al, it came together. 

I lost weight just liv­ing my life, but yeah, still fat.

It’s fine that you’re thin and you want peo­ple to stop be­ing mean to fat peo­ple. But say­ing shit like “don’t body shame be­cause there’s a strong cor­re­la­tion be­tween weight/binge eat­ing and trau­ma” just fuck off. 

Not all weight is binge eat­ing weight.

Peo­ple don’t need to re­spect my hu­man­i­ty and ex­pe­ri­ence in this body be­cause it’s been sad and I’m sad. Peo­ple need to re­spect my hu­man­i­ty and ex­pe­ri­ence in this body be­cause I AM A HU­MAN and I KNOW MY EX­PE­RI­ENCE IN THIS BODY BEST.

You want to see re­spect for us? Fuck­ing ask us what it looks like. Ask us our sto­ries, and ac­cept that not every­one wants to tell it or has a sto­ry. Don’t talk over us about how we aren’t lazy, we’re just trau­ma­tized. Every­one has trau­ma and yet NOT EVERY­ONE IS FAT. 

WEIRD. It’s al­most like the caus­es of fat are a com­plex com­bi­na­tion of fac­tors in­clud­ing GENETICS?!
 
 

—mel­ony ppenosyne

Flom­mist Mel­ony Ppenosyne is a writer and weird artist type. In the last year alone, she’s trav­eled to Vir­ginia as a com­pet­ing poet, co-writ­ten a play on men­tal ill­ness that is present­ly be­ing pro­duced, and craft­ed a pub­lished es­say check­ing the priv­i­lege and scope of art gal­leries. Copy­right © 2019 Mel­ony Ppenosyne.

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