why is fox mulder asking megyn kelly to … oh never mind

I try not to com­ment on or pay too much at­ten­tion to celebri­ty shenanigans, 

but ap­par­ent­ly

Megan Fox was giv­en an en­gage­ment ring

by a rap­per named Ma­chine Gun Kelly 

(whose mu­sic I’ve nev­er heard but who looks like Megan Rapi­noe if you or­dered her off Wish).

Said ring is lined with thorns, 

so it will hurt if she takes it off.

🤨

And the whole thing 

looks like Beetle­juice fan fiction 

where he asks a grown-up Wednes­day Addams 

(who is also a dump­ster fire)

to mar­ry him.

 

Any­way,

Pete David­son is also gonna give Kim K a ring, 

but if she takes it off, 

in­stead of it be­ing painful, 

the tetanus he some­how gave her will come back.
 

 

(I only brought up the Megan Fox/Machine what­ev­er-who-cares thing so I could make the joke. Obviously.)

(And yes, I know tetanus can’t be spread from per­son to per­son, but I fig­ured if that’s gonna hap­pen with any­one, it’s gonna be Pe­tey D.)

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2022 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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