Here’s my thoughts on
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) –
alternative title:
Star Wars: The Rise of the Voices of the Kids Sitting in Front of Us.
Spoilers below!
the good
· Chewie
· Lando
· The cute little new droid
· Ben/Kylo Ren
· Rey
· Luke
· Han
· Poe
· Keri Russell’s Mandalorian-ish character
the bad
· That kiss.
· Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter – gimme a fuckin’ break! I didn’t like her being a nobody, but that’s so much worse.
· Finn being an annoying pest (Dude, she’s just not that into you. Also she has The Force, she’ll be fine)
· The exposition. Oh GOD, the exposition, it was worse than in TLJ!
· The CGI young Leia. Again. Come on, if Columbia/WB/Sony can make Rachel look like Rachel in Blade Runner 2049 (2017), Disney can fuckin’ render a better young Leia
· That festival they went to in the beginning that’s obviously Holi. I involuntarily blurted out, “Oh no.”
the unfortunate
· Carrie Fisher’s limited role. I get why, but it was still disappointing and clunky.
· Rose not getting more screen time (You’re shocked, I know – even though I didn’t like her character in TLJ, even I can agree that she should have had a more significant role in this film)
· The lesbian kiss. That couldn’t have been more phoned in and forced if it had been a call to my mother. Also, blink and you’ll miss it.
saddest moment
Chewie crying when Leia died.
most hilarious moment
“I’m the spy!”
most hilarious runner up
“I don’t care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose!”
whaaaaa … ?
· Rey initially refuses Leia’s lightsaber in the beginning … but then there’s a second lightsaber on Luke’s island?
· Palpatine drained Rey and Ben’s life force, but not really?
· I never saw another ship for Chewie to get on, did you? Oh well.
and also, so fucking funny
When Rey and Ben kissed, the woman in front of us blurted out, “Oh, what?!” and the ENTIRE THEATER STARTED LAUGHING.
I’m happy it’s over. I hope it stays over. I also don’t really care I guess.
It had potential and it all went downhill. It doesn’t matter.
The Mandalorian > Episodes VII – IX.
—emily duchaine
Flommist Emily Duchaine lives in the Pacific Northwest. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and listen to the Talking Heads. She pretends to be a professional businesswoman most days. Copyright © 2020 Emily Duchaine.
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