do you guys have and enjoy cellular telephones?

“Nev­er doubt that a small group of thought­ful com­mit­ted cit­i­zens can change the world with poor­ly writ­ten blog posts mas­querad­ing as jour­nal­ism ex­plain­ing to peo­ple why they should be of­fend­ed by things celebri­ties do.”
—Kate Wil­lett
 

Me, watch­ing a movie from a year ago:
Oh wow, they had lap­tops and smart­phones back then.

Also me, watch­ing a movie from the 40s:
Every framed pic­ture is a lap­top or tablet.
 

                               I make calls
                               on my cel­lu­lar tele­phone
                               at the gro­cer
                               that the oth­er clien­tele
                               might think
                               I am a fa­mous star.
 

Even though it is the end of Camelot in our own times.
 

 

And every sin­gle time I see a Re­pub­li­can Star Trek fan (and this hap­pens much more than I’d have ever ex­pect­ed) I just have to as­sume they are jump­suit en­thu­si­asts.
 

Fuck Pop­ti­mism.
What we need right now are fight songs.

This trai­tor (above) needs out of of­fice NOW.
Oh and thanks again Green Par­ty protest vot­ers, this shit is ab­solute­ly on you too.

 

“It is no longer a cer­tain­ty that Amer­i­ca will re­main a sta­ble coun­try gov­erned by an im­par­tial rule of law. You could ar­gue it no longer is.”
—Brett Arends

This is chill­ing.

And it’s dead on. There is a right wing can­cer in this coun­try. And we’ve seen this sto­ry play out too many times be­fore in his­to­ry. Just. Like. This.
 

 

If you’re the kind of per­son that dis­miss­es an en­tire es­say be­cause you ‘had to stop read­ing’ be­cause
• poor syn­tax
• misspellings/grammar
• snap dis­agree­ment with its premise out of hand … then I con­grat­u­late you on be­ing in­tel­lec­tu­al­ly lazy.

Fur­ther, no one is ob­lig­at­ed to care what you think about it, but thanks for your whol­ly-per­for­ma­tive “har­rumph.”
 

Some­one in jol­ly old Eng­land just bought my Dance to Farts shirt (above) so it seems that in the age of Trump it falls to ol Malm­berg to keep our West­ern al­liances in­tact.

 

These are the lyrics to Cheap Trick’s Downed in case we need them lat­er:

Downed, downed out of my head
’round, ’round out of my head
I’m gonna live on a moun­tain
Way down un­der in Aus­tralia
It’s ei­ther that or sui­cide
It’s such a strange strain on you
Oh, i got a mind
Over you it’s not the first time
Oh, i got a mind
Rain­bow’s crawl­ing on a mid­day sun
But i’ve been lucky you’re the only one
Sun­day’s call­ing, you’ll be num­ber one
It’s such a strange strain on you
Oh, you think of Je­sus Christ
You walk on wa­ter but don’t bet your life, oh no
All you walk is a fine line
It’s such a strange strain on you
Downed, downed out of my head
’round, ’round out of my head
Too many peo­ple want to save the world
An­oth­er prob­lem is it a boy or girl
Some say the week­end is the only world
It’s such a strange strain on you
Oh, i’ve got a mind
Over you it’s not the first time
All you walk is a fine line
It’s such a strange strain on you
Downed, downed out of my head
’round, ’round out of my head
Downed, downed out of my head
’round, ’round out of my head

Stand by.

[Tick­er tape punch card pro­cess­ing sounds]

When I’m down I make a call
Got the num­ber writ­ten on the wall
First it’s busy then I try again
Oh, who’s she talk­ing to, could it be him?
I got the num­ber and it starts to ring
I get ex­cit­ed and I start to dream
I start to fan­ta­size of mem­o­ry lane
Then she an­swers and she says right way
She says “I’m home on my own, home all alone”
So I got off the phone
She’s tight
She’s ahead of her time
She’s tight
She’s one of a kind
She’s tight
She’s a tal­ent­ed girl
She’s tight
She’s got her head down tight
I have some­thing got to say to you
Am­ne­sia and my train of thought
On the tip, the tip of my tongue
I had a vi­sion when I was young
You float­ed in, we float­ed up
Through the win­dow and down the hall
I had a smoke and went up­stairs
Turned the door and opened the key
She spoke “I’m on my own, home all alone”
So I got off the phone
She’s tight
She’s ahead of her time
She’s tight
She’s one of a kind
She’s tight
She’s a tal­ent­ed girl
She’s tight
She’s got her head down tight
She’s tight
She’s giv­ing me the go
She’s tight
She’s giv­ing me the high sign
She’s tight
We’ll turn off the lights
She’s tight
Pull down the shades
She’s nice, she’s tight
Turn on the cam’ra
She’s nice, she’s tight
And get­ting ready for ac­tion
She’s nice, she’s tight
She’s nice, she’s tight
Turn off the ra­dio
She’s nice, she’s tight
She’s nice, she’s tight
Turn on the video
She’s nice, she’s tight
She’s giv­ing me the go
She’s nice, she’s tight
She’s giv­ing me the high sign
She’s nice, she’s tight
We’ll turn off the lights
She’s nice, she’s tight
Pull down the shades
She’s nice, she’s tight
Turn on the cam’ra

Cut to:
Willem Dafoe start­ing a rum­ble with an airhorn.
 
 

—ja­son malm­berg

Flom­mist Ja­son Malm­berg is a sim­ple man who be­lieves in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art some­times. Copy­right © 2017 Ja­son Malm­berg. Cept for the oth­er stuff.

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