First there was M*A*S*H, then M*A*S*H, then M*A*S*H.
Up next: M*A*S*H, starring John Cusack, Owen Wilson, with Taylor Swift as Hotlips and Andy Serkis as a motion-capture version of Radar.
Sherman T. Potter has to be played by James Cromwell, just because. And the Korean War would be TODAY. Also just because.
We are living
in a universe of reboots – where the same is new again, and we’re expected to just go, oh, I didn’t see this before.
How many different ways can a nerdy teenager – played by totally different actors every few years – get bit by a fucking spider?
I understand the frustration felt about reboots as somehow diluting and/or desecrating the spirit of the original film. However, if the concept of a classic movie is deserving of respect is a stinking load of crustacean crumbs, maybe the new version will be better.
Though if the original film is really good, a reboot means nothing. Does it?
‘Why fuck with perfection? There wasn’t anything wrong with the old one … and the new one’s not the same …’
Ever heard of Wonka? There was this one, then this one, then this one, then this one and then this one (and as of this week, maybe even this one).
And in the first film version, Oompa Loompas were real little people: Imperfect specimens of humanity deserving of love, respect, and a fucking job as much as anyone else.
So, what happens?
Reboot, and one tall halfling gets CGI’d into a whole army of computer-generated Oompa Loompas, effectively killing off any hope for little people jobs.
And no Gene Wilder.
This month, there’s a new Ghostbusters reboot that’s already pissing people off who haven’t even seen it.
The original was an instant classic – at the time, there was nothing else like it. And the best lines were improv’d. They couldn’t even recapture that magic in the sequel.
So why update it? If you’re a rising director with a good pitch, anything is possible.
Meaning: If you want to direct Tila Tequila in a ‘reimagining’ of Scarface, by all means do it. Tom Green as Batman could be in the works, as well as an all-female Three Stooges film.
If it works, it’s called good imagination, and no one has a patent on it. If it bombs, we get to blame someone. Like Tonto.
But
if they even THINK of redoing Time Bandits, I will disembowel the perpetrators with a tuning fork.
But save me a seat, I’m curious enough to see how they’d actually do it. Train wrecks are fun.
—robbie edmonds
Flommist Robbie Edmonds would love to sit down with you and discuss his theories of mind-swapping and time travel, but it appears as if he, as his cat, just left to stop himself from doing so … AGAIN! Copyright © 2016 Robbie Edmonds. Truck source.
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