to be normal

It’s
try­ing
to
be
nor­mal.

And this is a try­ing time.

A try­ing time
with lit­tle sup­port

as I feel my own shell break­ing.
 
 

Crum­bling parts

                           come

                             with­er­ing

                                 down

                                   my

                                     face,

                                                as thoughts turn into tears.

I guess
there isn’t much to say
that re­al­ly be­gins to di­gest
what I feel I am go­ing through.
 

I’m push­ing into bro­ken pieces –
dif­fer­ent time­lines of my life
in­ter­sect­ing
and flow­ing out
                                                dif­fer­ent ways.

If you’re read­ing this you are re­ceiv­ing the cur­rent – 
parts of hope of the fu­ture.

Glimpses of it I in­tend to re­late to these pho­tos. The life that grows upon the bro­ken­ness is what you will see.

 

But for right now,
you see my strug­gle to be nor­mal.
                   I felt I need­ed to post my face, and yes, I felt con­fi­dent, but who’d rather read this sap­py bull­shit of the pain I am in over just look­ing at a mod­er­ate­ly at­trac­tive woman?
 

The world likes hap­py, per­fec­tion.
They like any­thing sex­u­al­ized be­cause it is what they’ve been sold on. Rather than any truth that may come from dark­ness we learn to nev­er show.
 

                   Fact is I suck at be­ing per­fect.
                   I suck at not let­ting my emo­tions come through
                   and cer­tain­ly I suck at shut­ting the fuck up.
 

                   I don’t.

                   I fight.

                   I kick.

                   I scream.
 

                   And I write these posts with the op­por­tu­ni­ty to re­lease real ugly life chang­ing mo­ments one day we all re­late to be­cause it hap­pens to us or some­one in which we know.
 

But
I don’t re­lease it in an ugly way – I try to al­low some­thing beau­ti­ful to be­come of it.
 

 
 

—al­ley schef­f­ki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 21 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2016 Al­ley Schef­f­ki.

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