stages of natalie getting a cold

Stage 1: De­nial.
“I don’t get sick. I nev­er get sick. This is just al­ler­gies, so I’m go­ing to push my­self phys­i­cal­ly to prove I am not sick.”

Stage 2: Anger.
“This is the fault of the fuck­ing child that coughed near me a week ago. That lit­tle germy bas­tard.”

Stage 3: Bar­gain­ing.
“Okay im­mune sys­tem, if I drink a liter of Ap­ple Cider Vine­gar, take 400 vi­t­a­min C pills, and chew on a turmer­ic root that’ll give you every­thing you need right? I’ll give you one day of sick but then I have to be back on my feet.”

Stage 4: De­pres­sion
“Why did this hap­pen to me?! What did I do to de­serve this? Why don’t I have any kim­chi soup on hand? I am nev­er pre­pared in life for any­thing. This is why I have no one to bring me kim­chi soup. Who wants to be with some sick los­er who does­n’t freeze kim­chi soup ahead of time for when she gets sick? I suck at every­thing, even my dumb im­mune sys­tem sucks.”

Stage 5: Ac­cep­tance
“This is it. I am go­ing to die. I had a good run I guess. Hope­ful­ly I can watch some­thing good on Net­flix in my fi­nal hours. Good­bye cru­el world, I hard­ly knew you … ”

(sad gen­tle cough)
 
 

—na­tal­ie michelle

Flom­mist Na­tal­ie Michelle does­n’t have a bio. She just rants. Copy­right © 2017 Na­tal­ie Michelle. Im­age by mehal­lo.

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