you are so fired

He was on the golf course when the call came in.

Bow­els im­me­di­ate­ly emp­tied, over­com­ing the lim­it­ed abil­i­ties of his De­pends un­der­gar­ment, ooz­ing up and around the Sans-A-Belt golf slacks like a hell­ish ab­dom­i­nal lava cake.

He strained with the re­al­iza­tion that he had been shat out; yes, the will of the peo­ple had start­ed the peri­staltic wave of vot­ing him out of the body of the country.

This Pro­gres­sive Pinch had be­gun, and al­though it took more than a few days for the re­sults to be seen, the rum­blings of ¹¹⁄₃ were pro­duc­ing results.

Tho I have the best method for re­mov­ing that turd from the White House, but you’re go­ing to have to flush that toi­let 5, 6, 7, 8 times.

While we can cel­e­brate to­day, Amer­i­ca is will still have to deal with a mean he­m­or­rhoid from pass­ing this par­tic­u­lar parasite.

The boot of au­thor­i­tar­i­an­ism was put on the Foot Of Jus­tice, and shoved right up the bung of the biggest ass­hole on the plan­et. The Old, White Misog­y­nist Or­der – wat Amer­i­ca was cling­ing to while the rest of us pro­gressed, has fallen.

This was four years of a flail­ing, scream­ing at­tempt to keep us cov­ered in coal, im­po­tent, while a $750 bit rack­e­teer makes the hedge fund mis­an­thropes add mor bling to their white col­lars, ill-fit­ting sus­penders and think it’s all just fine.

Up next, Stephen Miller should be shkinned alive and rubbed down with gar­lic and lemon juice …

and shoved up Lind­sey Graham’s ass – then Lind­sey should be shoved up Turdumpf’s ass. Just in time for Thanks­giv­ing: The most dis­gust­ing tur­duck­en ever. Din-din that makes you cry. Wat? There’s a theme restau­rant at Don­ner Pass. Really? …

But if the hair mi­grates from the or­angeanus to what the or­angeanus ex­cret­ed, can it run for re-election?

If it forms a band with McConnell’s neck-scro­tum, Cruz’s shit­ty fa­cial hair, and Graham’s dis­em­bod­ied spine, what can we call the band? …

 

I vot­ed for Joe Biden, and I ap­prove this post.

Fund­ed by the Make Trump Eat A Great Big Bag Of Shit For Thanks­giv­ing Coali­tion (MTEAG­B­BOSFTC).

 

—rob­bie edmonds

Flom­mist Rob­bie Ed­monds would love to sit down with you and dis­cuss his the­o­ries of mind-swap­ping and time trav­el, but it ap­pears as if he, as his cat, just left to stop him­self from do­ing so … AGAIN! Copy­right © 2020 Rob­bie Ed­monds. Hed­line via the awe­some Pol­ly Spring­horn, foto found by Lau­ra Hohlwein.

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