a lot of words in my head right now

I hate the way you wrap around my mind and nev­er leave it

I hate the way you can play my heart­strings like they’re one of your games

I hate the way you smile at me
your eyes full of pain and your mouth hid­ing it

I hate the way you re­placed me
slid pic­tures into the spot where I used to sleep

I hate the way you just ex­ist as if I was nev­er in your life

I hate the way you call me your friend when it was al­ways so much more than that

I hate that I look for you in all our old places
wish­ing you could see the way I looked today

I hate the way your ghost walks next to me
mock­ing my memories

I hate the way you said you loved me that last time
like it was just an auto re­sponse on a voice­mail machine

I hate the way you kissed me goodbye
your pain leaked into my mouth and stained my lips with your un­shed tears

I hate the way you nev­er said what you needed
un­til you couldn’t take it any­more and just want­ed to leave

I hate when I dri­ve past our exit
know­ing you sleep in the room we used to share
but I had to leave

I hate the thoughts that poi­son our good memories
like taint­ed words full of misery

I hate the way I smile at you now
blend­ing my pain and anger into a mon­tage of mir­rored hap­pi­ness that isn’t there

I hate the way I hold my­self tall and walk like the world didn’t fall out from be­neath me

I hate how cold it gets at night when you aren’t here
burn­ing like ice against my skin

But most­ly I hate the fact that in the end
you don’t care that it wasn’t you
 
 

—erin dirschel

Flom­mist Erin Dirschel is a per­plex­ing myr­i­ad of beau­ti­ful­ly con­fus­ing qual­i­ties. The most im­por­tant of which is love of fuzzy an­i­mals. And she oc­ca­sion­al­ly does an art­sy thing. Copy­right © 2018 Erin Dirschel.

PLEASE   SUPPORT   FLOMM
TIPS  +  DONATIONS  DISCREETLY  ACCEPTED

FLOMM
promotes learning  +  education worldwide
drawing attention to works by nü  +  upcoming artists,
designers, writers, musicians  +  MOR

OUR INVOLVEMENT
– however –
is mostly paid for out of pocket or in trade

IF YOU ENJOY
wat  FLOMM  is doing here, please consider


1.   LEAVE US A TIP  :
use our tip jar whenever the mood hits



2.   BUY OUR SWAG  :
our approach is semi-green —
                all our  FLOMMHAUS  merch is made to order



3.   HELP US OUT  :
use our hashtags  #flomm  #flommus  #whereisflomm  #nüflommart  #flommist
when posting on ur socials —
or drop us a note and offer to help in some way
everything we do is on a volunteer basis —
             when we say  YOU CAN BE A FLOMMIST TOO  this is wat we mean

THANK YOU
your support helps our continued efforts
to create content across numerous platforms

clic 「 HIER   」 to return to the DER TUNG front page