traditional life

A myr­i­ad of thoughts take over me re­cent­ly. Right now, as I write this, I am fight­ing over­whelm­ing concerns. 

My life, what is it? I’m be­gin­ning to write for a start up mag­a­zine and it seems like so many hor­ri­ble things I’ve lived through are the sto­ries we don’t ever speak about. 

I am be­gin­ning to ad­dress them but I find my­self now wish­ing I had my mom once again be­side me to talk. My heart aches for lost love. I’ve moved from a place I was start­ing to think of as a home. All of this – with­out her here – makes me want to throw every­thing away and call nowhere home.

I don’t want to par­tic­i­pate in tra­di­tion­al life any­more with what the world al­lows to be okay. I am try­ing now to spark some­thing with this fire in­side me, and I want it to burn out in the world – with every ear that hears my voice and eye that reads my words. 

I’m try­ing to con­nect as I take great loss but still I re­main un­con­nect­ed be­cause I am not the same as those who sur­round me. 

I don’t make sense in my ways and I don’t feel understood. 

I’m a wolf lost in a for­est, at­tack­ing any­thing that pos­es a threat to my heart, al­low­ing some to draw to near in hopes they can bare some­thing of hope, but the re­al­i­ty is I need to stand alone – al­low ne­ces­si­ty to trig­ger healing. 

My soul needs to open – to re­lease – wa­ter to wash away what I’ve known and nur­ture a new beginning. 

I can’t say I’m ca­pa­ble of not look­ing back from time to time, but I will con­tin­ue as I start­ed to with my moth­er be­fore she was tak­en away. I jour­ney alone psy­chi­cal­ly – though spir­i­tu­al­ly I still have those stand­ing be­side me – and I am grateful.
 

—al­ley scheffki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 21 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2016 Al­ley Scheffki.

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