the jump was scary

Life right now is a whirl­wind and I have worked so damn hard for it.

The days pass but there’s hard­ly time spent tak­ing a break.

I am con­stant­ly chas­ing, cap­tur­ing, and re­leas­ing this won­drous ad­ven­ture I am on.

Peo­ple ques­tioned me.

They doubt­ed me.

And still even to­day be­lieve that the steps I took were wrong.

I guess they can’t un­der­stand where I am, what I see. How hap­py my heart lies in what I’ve built for my­self.

The love I have blan­ket­ing me and sur­round­ing me, a self love I nev­er had be­fore.

At every turn I felt de­pen­dent. Emo­tion­al­ly a mess, a scared in­no­cence that need­ed pro­tec­tion, and just a stu­pid, dumb, lit­tle girl who had no di­rec­tion – one of val­ue, at least.

I can list my ac­com­plish­ments or the things I’ve done to change it all but I no longer feel the need to.

Is that grow­ing up? I fi­nal­ly feel as if I know my­self and lead a life tru­ly to my­self, hon­or­ing my morals and val­ues as much as pos­si­ble in my pur­suit of hap­pi­ness.

I’m tak­ing flight, and yes the jump was scary, and I went through night­mares, hit rocks and was thrown fur­ther than I meant to jump, but dear god, this path – it is mine and so re­mark­able and I feel so em­pow­ered as I press on.

New jour­neys I feel are to come short­ly, ones reach­ing out­side the com­fort I know now, but I rest in prepa­ra­tion steadi­ly mov­ing for­wards the wa­ter flow.
 
 
 

—al­ley schef­f­ki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 23 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2017 Al­ley Schef­f­ki.

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