teh hawt s3xxor omfg!!!1111111

(Just got a new mail client. For some rea­son, my in­box was de­fault­ed to show the old­est mes­sages first and I nev­er delete any­thing. Any­way, this was the very old­est thing at the top: A mass email that I au­thored in the mid 2000s, and I to­tal­ly lol’d be­cause I don’t re­mem­ber writ­ing it at all. At the time, there were still peo­ple in my life for­ward­ing this kind of glur­gy crap, and this was ba­si­cal­ly my re­sponse to all of it. I’m glad we have since moved on as a so­ci­ety.)
 

Sub­ject: TEH HAWT S3XX0R OMFG!!!1111111

You opened this email be­cause it held promise of some hot e‑lovin’. But have you ac­cept­ed Je­sus Christ as your per­son­al lord and sav­ior? Prob­a­bly not. Hea­then.

Peo­ple died when the twin tow­ers a‑splodered. Let us not lose sight of this. NEV­ER FAR­GET 9–11 OK?

and THI­SIS SO IM­POR­TANT GUYS YOU NEED TO DO IT OR I’LL PUNCH MY MON­I­TOR UN­TIL YOU FEEL IT.

SEND THIS TO SOME­ONE YOU LOVE OR YOUR EN­TIRE RE­LA­TION­SHIP TO THEM BE­COMES VOID­ED. SE­RI­OUS. IT WAS ON THE NEWS. IT HAP­PENED TO ME. HERE ARE SOME TES­TI­MONIES FROM REAL. REAL K? REAL PEO­PLE WHO HAVE AL­READY RE­CEIVED THIS EMAIL.

————————-

» My name is Mary and I’m 35.
» I thought this email was just a joke
» but sure enough I got punched right in the face as soon as I closed
» the let­ter!! It’s for real, guys.
>
>
>
» I’m Bil­ly and I’m 9.
» My mom was in the hos­pi­tal dy­ing
» when I opened this let­ter. I sent it
» on and re­main un­harmed.
» She died this morn­ing.
» Please don’t drink and dri­ve.
>
>
>
» My name is Stan and I’m an ap­pli­ance
» sales­man. I opened this let­ter and
» punched my­self in the face.
» I’m not sure why I did it.
» It seemed like a good idea at the time.
>
>
>
————————-

I opened this email and got stabbed by a clown! Guess I learned my les­son! With­in five min­utes of send­ing this let­ter, I got mar­ried! Crazy, huh?

So se­ri­ous­ly! Do it. CAPS LOCK IS LOUD AND IM­POR­TANT SEND THIS ON.

————————-
 

###
 
 
 

—bwargh von mod­nar

Flom­mist Bwargh von Mod­nar is. Copy­right © 2018 Bwargh von Mod­nar. Go watch The Net.‬

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