suffering and happiness

Over the past 6 months or so I have been bat­tling with my men­tal and phys­i­cal health.

I’ve been cop­ing with my de­pres­sion as well as deal­ing with my di­ag­no­sis of Type 1 Di­a­betes. It was a huge phys­i­cal, spir­i­tu­al, and fi­nan­cial blow to me to get this dis­ease so ran­dom­ly. It made me re­al­ize my mor­tal­i­ty and my ex­is­tence as a hu­man even more so, and that at any giv­en mo­ment if I do not take care of my­self, my life could change dras­ti­cal­ly.

Dur­ing this time I have re­flect­ed on my sur­rounds, peo­ple I have as­so­ci­at­ed with, past trau­mas from my child­hood, and plan­ning my fu­ture. My mind has been on over­drive, and my body has be­come numb.

I’ve re­al­ized that I nev­er felt com­fort­able ask­ing for help, nor do I ever re­al­ly reach out to peo­ple un­less I re­al­ly need it. I am stub­born and pre­fer to rely on my­self for every­thing. But now, giv­en my cir­cum­stances late­ly, I have had to ad­mit to my­self that it is ok to ask for help and sup­port. I think a part of me feels like I will be shamed or not tak­en se­ri­ous­ly, like I have so be­fore in the past.

Life can be hard, and no one should or can car­ry all the weight at once. I have been through hell and back, and know that I will con­quer this oth­er moun­tain climb in my life. This hur­dle feels like it’s tak­ing for­ev­er, and I know I need to be pa­tient with my­self.

For those of you out there who also suf­fer from de­pres­sion, just know that you are not alone, and that you have to be pa­tient with your­self. We are all in this to­geth­er as hu­man be­ings. We are all here to live and learn through our suf­fer­ing and hap­pi­ness.
 
 

—aman­da layng mar­tinez

Flom­mist Aman­da Layng Mar­tinez is a graph­ic de­sign­er. She like cats, tea, not wear­ing a bra, pee­ing in pub­lic, and ‘eat­ing as much as I can be­fore I feel full.’ Copy­right © 2016 Aman­da Layng Mar­tinez.

MOR D’ARTÍCULOS  MOR FLOMM !

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