“Yeah, well the band 311 called me and said I can’t fuck raccoons anymore.”
1.
I just got hiccups and it’s been so long since I’ve had them that I kinda wanna ride the experience now.
2.
Tip: Leave an uncooked seasoned chicken on your dash when you go into work in the morning for dinner prep that’s a snap!
3.
It’s going to be hi-larious if western democracy collapses because the vapin fedora set couldn’t get laid and needed something to peacock about so they chose progressive purity tests and the near-constant misuse of the word “neoliberalism”
4.
Those vending machines from the 70s that would dispense hot coffee or chicken soup (just broth really) from the same spigot into a paper cup with a fold-out handle that didn’t really work and it was always cooked to a million degrees and the coffee tasted chickeny and the soup tasted vaguely Colombian.
5.
Handel won.
We’re all screwed.
We are going to have to let Republicans destroy everything and hope they die before we do so we can rebuild after.
Honestly. Between this and the AHCA likely passing, fuck Republicans.
Lose your healthcare. Die. Please. Die penniless of preventable shit you garbage idiots. You refuse facts, you refuse help. Die. Sooner rather than later.
Going in to 2018, understand that we need to not waste any time on peacocking idiots.
Someone says “both sides,” “two-party system,”“neoliberal,” “corporatist” to you you drop the dead weight and move on to someone less starved for attention. They want to recalibrate the discussion so that it’s about them. Don’t let them. They aren’t serious voters anyway. Drop them and move on.
Children that hide behind Young Turks buzzwords to cloak their disagreeable personalities get no more airtime. Let them go regale the bros at the vape shop with their 8th graders’ grasp of politics.
6.
I mean, I’m really starting to hope the Yellowstone supervolcano wipes us out soon.
Its THIS or the supervolcano.
At this point I take comfort in knowing that Clinton voters will die in an instant and all the rural Trumpists will suffer from agonizing radiation poisoning.
7.
“Those are great points Nick. Go start your own party. Adults have work to do here.”
—jason malmberg
Flommist Jason Malmberg is a simple man who believes in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art sometimes. Copyright © 2017 Jason Malmberg.
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