When I was 19 I worked at Subway. Certified and everything. There really was a test and certification process before you got that shirt.
One day they had me work at a different location where the manager was this 30-something dude that looked like Ron Johnson, the statutory rapist stereo salesman from Fast Times.
Anyhoo he’s doing his employee meal on break and he says “wanna see a really cool trick?” and of course I did as I am a human being with a heart.
So he’s like “we’re only supposed to be able to use our employee meal on sandwiches but check this out …” and he proceeded to take some meatballs and cheese an sauce and put it in a plastic salad tray. “I got a good little meal right now” and he was presenting this lifehack to me with the pride of an MIT scientist that just discovered cold fusion.
To repeat: Dude took the sandwich fillings and plated them and that was his way to get over on The Man. He basically saved The Man a loaf of bread. And he couldn’t have been prouder.
Remember this tale when some idiot calls you a “snowflake” in the comments sections for standing up to Nazis and fascists that **this fuckin guy** is representative of the wit and intellect present on that side of the fence.
When they say you “you need a job” for protesting on a Saturday, they mean a job where you heist breadless sandwiches as a way to make yourself feel accomplished and bright.
—jason malmberg
Flommist Jason Malmberg is a simple man who believes in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art sometimes. Copyright © 2017 Jason Malmberg.
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