Thanksgiving is so overrated.
Outside of being the obvious celebration of genocide and the disgusting whitewashing of history that it is (make sure you talk about all that during dinner).
Hot take … turkey is gross and the whole dinner is mid af.
Mac and Cheese is the only good thing and most white Thankgsgivings I’ve ever been to don’t even have it (which is probably good cause we’d probably put some weird seasonal fuckery in there to ruin it anyway).
Canned cranberry sauce is the only other honorable mention but not with the berries and don’t try making it yourself. No one asked for that. Canned is what we grew up on. Because who the hell was going to MAKE cranberry sauce!? It’s so mid as a dish itself that no one even bothered to make it from scratch. We all collectively agreed to just let the can ride (even after the 70s and 80s when America stopped eating weird ass things from cans). But here’s the thing. The rest of Thankstaking is SOOOOO bad that canned cranberry sauce actually stands out. It’s a phenomenon of mid really. Canned cranberry sauce = healthy Jello.
Greens. I’ve had greens at least three different times in the last two weeks … why? Because greens are top tier food. There doesn’t have to be a whole holiday narrative created around them to get people to purchase them like turkey and dressing (those two specifically are holding down the low end of mid).
Also, no one is dragging mashed potatoes here. This holiday was created by turkey farmers. Potato salad is summer time cookout food that someone dragged into Thankstaking to help it not be so mid but honestly a lot of potato salad is trash.
Pies and cakes are desserts, how dare you, but think about it … in the dessert realm … those are both mid.
And yams are mid. AF. You’ve never CRAVED yams. AND There are better uses throughout the year for those and we all know it.
Basically what I’m saying is I’m hosting a locals-only Mac and Cheese contest today. DM for address. Drop on porch and have your Mac and Cheese ranked professionally by an internationally recognized connoisseur.
A N D
If I’ve Never Had Your Mac and Cheese Do You Really Love Me? My new book of poems coming out Fall 2022.
—andru defeye
Flommist Andru Defeye is the Guerrilla Poet Laureate of Sacramento. Copyright © 2021 Andru Defeye.
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