i’ve started talking to my brain

Okay let’s just RE­LAX FOR A FUCK­ING MINUTE there’s ab­solute­ly NO rea­son why we need to be get­ting anx­ious. You’re in your soft jam­mies on your day off with your kit­ty and An­i­mal Cross­ing. You’re fine. Every­thing is fine.

Like my brain is a god­damn over­stim­u­lat­ed sev­en year old boy whose bal­loon string is tied so fuckin’ tight on his wrist it’s gonna cut off his cir­cu­la­tion but he’s still ter­ri­fied it’s gonna float away or some shit.

Oh that’s not even what I’m anx­ious about. It’s usu­al­ly lit­er­al­ly noth­ing.

My anx­i­ety:  “OMIGOD”
Me:  What what!?!?!
My anx­i­ety:  “Haha noth­ing.”

Some­times it’s as dumb as know­ing I have to put a piz­za in the oven.

Then

A stu­pid north­ern flick­er de­cides to go to town on the side of our house.

I threw open the win­dow to scare it away and EVERY BIRD IN THE GOD­DAMN NEIGH­BOR­HOOD IS LOS­ING ITS MIND RIGHT NOW.

Like wtf. It’s straight up Hitch­cock out there.

And you may tell your­self
This is not my beau­ti­ful kit­ty!
And you may tell your­self
This is not my beau­ti­ful cat!*

My cat is freak­ing out this morn­ing, too.

Here he is pre­tend­ing to be asleep. Don’t let him fool you. He’s just wait­ing for me to let my guard down and then he’s gonna try to steal some­thing.

Af­ter

I watched the trail­er for the new Wes An­der­son film and it made me want to start punch­ing walls and knock­ing over fur­ni­ture.

Anx­i­ety. The un­in­vit­ed house guest. The ever present specter. The gasp of breath that comes un­ex­pect­ed­ly. Like revving the en­gine of a high oc­tane sports car and burn­ing off half the tank.

De­ci­sion

Sleep in.
Go get pas­tries and fresh cof­fee.
Get to see cute shi­ba dog­go.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2020 Emi­ly Duchaine. *Me, singing to Whiskey along to Once in a Life­time.

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