p.s. i touched your art

You were 29 then. Now I am.

I thought you could have been the one.

All be­hind now, and only for a mo­ment. But still – I to­tal­ly did.

I also thought you were a tree in a past life.

I also thought your ex was right,
in the ar­gu­ment about shut­ting off the sink when she brush­es her teeth.
It was­n’t about the wa­ter — but I did form the habit, right then, just in case.

I had all these very po­et­ic ideas about what we could, or should, or might have been.
Ve­g­an food.

Art col­labs.

And oc­ca­sion­al­ly I de­bate if sex is still pos­si­ble,
be­cause maybe I’m kind of a dick. And I mean, look at you.

At the time, it was easy to paint the sit­u­a­tion in this trag­ic light, elic­it­ing con­so­la­tion to the sound of
“Girl, you de­serve bet­ter!” as I drowned my sor­rows in vod­ka.

How­ev­er, I think it was the right thing. I still had a lot of shit to fig­ure out.

For now,
I don’t want to be mar­ried, or start a fam­i­ly.

I’ll prob­a­bly nev­er be that high­ly ed­u­cat­ed
or look like a mod­el.

I eat meat wrapped in oth­er meat with­out feel­ing bad about it.

(Okay. A lit­tle bad)

And I thor­ough­ly en­joy my judg­ment-free hy­giene rit­u­als.

I think,
most­ly … I’ve en­joyed telling the sto­ry.

About that crush, that time, that “al­most.”

About the best fuck­ing playlist I ever made some­one and nev­er gave to them.

And that it has some­thing to do with the rea­son why I car­ry mag­ic rocks in my purse.
 

the list that got away: light side

 

the list that got away: dark side

 
 

—bwargh von mod­nar

Flom­mist Bwargh von Mod­nar is. Copy­right © 2016 Bwargh von Mod­nar. Up top: Still from Star Trek: Let That Be Your Last Bat­tle­field (1969).‬

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