You were 29 then. Now I am.
I thought you could have been the one.
All behind now, and only for a moment. But still – I totally did.
I also thought you were a tree in a past life.
I also thought your ex was right,
in the argument about shutting off the sink when she brushes her teeth.
It wasn’t about the water — but I did form the habit, right then, just in case.
I had all these very poetic ideas about what we could, or should, or might have been.
Vegan food.
Art collabs.
And occasionally I debate if sex is still possible,
because maybe I’m kind of a dick. And I mean, look at you.
At the time, it was easy to paint the situation in this tragic light, eliciting consolation to the sound of
“Girl, you deserve better!” as I drowned my sorrows in vodka.
However, I think it was the right thing. I still had a lot of shit to figure out.
For now,
I don’t want to be married, or start a family.
I’ll probably never be that highly educated
or look like a model.
I eat meat wrapped in other meat without feeling bad about it.
(Okay. A little bad)
And I thoroughly enjoy my judgment-free hygiene rituals.
I think,
mostly … I’ve enjoyed telling the story.
About that crush, that time, that “almost.”
About the best fucking playlist I ever made someone and never gave to them.
And that it has something to do with the reason why I carry magic rocks in my purse.
the list that got away: light side
the list that got away: dark side
—bwargh von modnar
Flommist Bwargh von Modnar is. Copyright © 2016 Bwargh von Modnar. Up top: Still from Star Trek: Let That Be Your Last Battlefield (1969).
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