And I feel like myself again.
In February, I had a traumatic mental health episode that almost cost me a whole lot that I care about. Thankfully, I have some really good friends that helped me realize how okay I truly wasn’t. I decided to check myself into a mental health program through Kaiser because I couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out.
Within the first few minutes of the onboarding the mental health professional said, “It sounds like you have General Anxiety Disorder.”
As we talked more she explained that it sounded like it was probably triggered by trauma in my pre-teens which tracks if you know my story.
My first day of therapy, I was officially diagnosed, and when we started talking and I told my therapist I quit smoking herb he said, “So you’ve been dealing with your General Anxiety Disorder unmedicated for the last few months.”
I sat down with a mentor and talked to him about it. He told me he was proud I’d gotten into therapy and gave me this gem. “You need a toolbox, not a hammer,” meaning I had only been using herb to treat the grief, anxiety, and depression I was dealing with and I needed more tools.
As my therapist and I started unraveling the trauma, grief, and my detrimental core beliefs, I was able to notice, label, and observe my thinking patterns. This gave me the ability to address and alter my thinking patterns.
I’m just now starting to feel like me again.
I’m writing this for a few reasons.
1.
We all struggle. I know a lot of you see The Great Joy Hunt guy or some version of that. A friend of mine was asked once if I ever have bad days because when this person saw me I was always “such a good energy.” The truth is that I carry a lot of heavy grief and trauma in my spirit and I’m an expert at masking and isolating. Social media is a highlight reel and I don’t post when I’m struggling because energy vampires and vultures exist. You never truly know what anyone is going through. But if you’re struggling you’re not alone.
2.
If you have Kaiser, the route into these 8‑session programs is pretty quick, clear, and concise. I hear horror stories about trying to get a therapist, and that wasn’t my story. You can get there from the website directly, and once that time is up there are continued care options.
3.
Therapy was really a godsend for me. And it might be for you too. If you’ve been thinking about it, this is your sign to go for it. It’s helped me unearth some things that I didn’t realize were affecting everything I was doing, given me some tools I didn’t have and desperately needed, and helped me put grief and trauma into compartments with lids so they don’t spill all over everything else in my life.
More of us should go to therapy. Especially us guys.
::looks lovingly at my brothers::
This life can be a lot. Having someone trained in how our brains work to help you navigate how yours is working doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart. You wouldn’t wander into an unfamiliar wilderness without a guide would you?
Eh em.
::Cue Jay‑Z::
“Allow me to reintroduce myself……”
I love you and you can’t do $&!? about it.
—andru defeye
Flommist Andru Defeye is the Guerrilla Poet Laureate of Sacramento. Copyright © 2023 Andru Defeye. 📸 Katy Karns.
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