hamster

I can­not check a box that says,
“Het­ero­sex­u­al,” “Athe­ist,” “Mus­lim,” or “Jew.”

I’m an In­vol­un­tary In­cel. Also. I have my own faith. I’m a Ham­ster.

Ham­ster.

My par­ents were high­ly ed­u­cat­ed, lib­er­al, so­phis­ti­cat­ed nin­com­poops. When I was three, my ham­ster died. That’s what ham­sters do. I freaked out. They sat me down and care­ful­ly ex­plained, “Well the Bud­dhists be­lieve this, and the Chris­tians be­lieve that, and the Jews be­lieve this, that, and the oth­er, and we are both Jews but some­how not re­al­ly. As typ­i­cal car­toon beat­nik rad­i­cal left­ies, we can’t be­lieve in God, but as typ­i­cal Jews we feel ter­ri­bly guilty not giv­ing you a faith … ” and so on.

But the point is, you can­not ex­plain the fin­er points of spir­i­tu­al­i­ty to a three year old!

I put the Ham­ster near the ra­di­a­tor and tried to feed it warm milk. Nev­er­the­less it chose to re­main ka­put. What hap­pens when you die? Is there a God? A Heav­en? Or just – noth­ing?

I need­ed to be­lieve (and still do) in a be­nign pow­er pro­tect­ing and lov­ing me. Call it God, I don’t care. I’m a Ham­ster.

Also, they told me about sex when I was six. Clear­ly they were con­fused, or I was, be­cause then I be­came a veg­e­tar­i­an. Much lat­er I found out the way most peo­ple do. And now I think I’ve for­got­ten.
 

—lau­rie rosen­wald

Flom­mist Lau­rie Rosen­wald is an Amer­i­can il­lus­tra­tor, au­thor, artist, and de­sign­er. Copy­right © 2019 Lau­rie Rosen­wald.

MOR D’ARTÍCULOS  MOR FLOMM !

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